Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Jackie - Unlearning the Ways of a Wallflower

I've been doing a lot of thinking this week.

I've been thinking about what it would be like if I actually accomplished all my goals, if things actually worked out, if I got the life I've always wanted. Honestly, it freaks me out a little. The thing is - I'm really good at status quo. I'm good at hiding behind mediocre. It's comfortable here.

But the whole point of this year, of this blog, is to get out of comfortable and into a reality where I'm an active part of writing my own story. It's putting my whole self on the line.

It feels strange to think that things may actually go the way I want them to.

I think it's going to take some more getting used to.

In the meantime, I'll give you a brief update of this past week. Spoiler alert: Nothing major happened. That's not to say I haven't done anything, but laying the ground work hasn't exactly been exciting. And honestly, it's a little frustrating because it doesn't feel like I've accomplished anything. But don't worry, I'm hanging in there.

Goal 1:: Teach: I made contact with a potential student starting later this spring! Which means ... I have some work to do. This is my first attempt at teaching and I want to make sure I do a good job. Hopefully I can find some information online and get together with a friend who teaches to pick her brain and get a suggestion on a book to teach from.

Goal 6:: Redefine spirituality: In a nutshell, my plan is this: compile my questions about spiritual things, ask them all to a list of people I respect, compare answers, then report back. [I'm trying not to disillusion myself into thinking it will be this simple.] I got the process started this week by asking a few people if I can pick their brains. I also asked a trusted friend to be the person I bounce ideas off of, and re-discuss conversations with. Thankfully, they've all agreed.

I spent sometime this week trying to define exactly what my questions are and I realized that I have a smattering of ideas, a few vague questions and some fragments of thoughts to work with. I decided to ask my re-discuss-friend if we could get together soon in hopes that she can help me take all my jumbled up thoughts and make them into coherent questions. And again, she agreed. I'll let you know how that goes.

Goal 10:: Post photos: I love photos; I can't help myself. I sat down this weekend to work on sifting through photos of my last trip [a romp around Italy] to get ready to post. But instead, I found myself reminiscing to myself about the good memories. It wasn't exactly a productive hour, but it was motivation to share them with you all.

That's all for this week. Next week, I'll get a little into Goal 5:: Be frugal... it should be fun. 

Thanks for coming along for the ride!


  1. oh man, jackie, have you read "velvet elvis" i read it once before, but it was at a different time of life and i'm reading it now and it's applying in cool new ways. it talks alot about redefining spirituality, about "picking up TRUTH where you find it"....about seeing God in people and as the "glue" that brings people together...and it kind of approaches the search like you are doing--by asking lots of question and sorting through the answers...you're awesome! i like like like this.

  2. "A music student with a desk job. Deeply involved and all too single. A visionary and a late bloomer." hahahah nice....

  3. I really like reading your blog and the journey that you are on, it is encouraging and inspiring! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and heart


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