tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58909915153379090192024-03-12T18:48:30.187-06:00Shake The DustThis is our story. Three girls -- Genevieve, Jackie and Sarah. We've made our lists, we've checked them at least twice and we're setting off in this next year to be intentional. We want to create lives worth writing home about and we want you to be a part of it.
We're shaking the dust.Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.comBlogger75125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-30672136118738413572011-05-15T17:28:00.006-06:002011-05-15T17:46:27.215-06:00Forgiveness and Goodbyes: A Tribute to Jane Austen<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xzoF-ZtGDq0/TdBgj2TvolI/AAAAAAAAALw/zlUSFNZ_zh8/s1600/tumblr_ll4xhwOTPA1qcrs3so1_500.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xzoF-ZtGDq0/TdBgj2TvolI/AAAAAAAAALw/zlUSFNZ_zh8/s400/tumblr_ll4xhwOTPA1qcrs3so1_500.png" width="373" /></a><br />
One of the first things I do before writing a retrospective of a Jane Austen novel, is to sit down and search the internets for reasons why other people loved the book. It's nice to see other people's perspectives and find solidarity in the opinions we have in common. As I began researching various views of <i>Persuasion</i>, I came across this- "If you've ever felt your family didn't treat you the way they should; if you've ever been misunderstood, misled, or misguided in any way, then <i>Persuasion</i> will speak your language. If you've ever yielded to the opinions of others over what your heart told you to do, if you've ever given up someone because you were told you had to, if you've ever wasted even a tiny bit of this short life holding on to resentment instead of opening up to forgiveness and love, then you will get your second chance to make things right with <i>Persuasion</i>." If that doesn't make you jump to pick up a copy immediately, I don't know what will. <br />
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This novel was Jane Austen's last. She died before it was ever published. The amount of beautiful and hopeful life truths packed into only a couple hundred pages is a testament not only to Jane's prowess for understanding human nature, but to how much a writer grows and matures throughout her career. This a mature story- it has a quiet hopefulness only a woman who has lived, seen, and understood could write. It's subtle, tragic, joyous, and all together wonderful.<br />
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That quote I mentioned before really gets to the essence of this book- it's about forgiveness and second chances. Someone told me once, about an older couple so obviously in love, yet not without their struggles and imperfections. This person told me, "he loved her because and despite of where she came from." This woman wasn't easy- she was hurt and broken and ill used in her past. She was withheld the love we all so much desire need as we are growing. But this man, this loving and patient man, could see past her jagged edges and loved her in a way she had never experienced or thought possible- completely and unconditionally.<br />
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That was the real life love story I was thinking of while reading <i>Persuasion</i>. Anne Elliot is over looked, mistreated and abused by her family. Jane writes about it in such a way that it makes you heart break for Anne when she is dismissed time after time and made to feel insignificant and voiceless. The man of her dreams- the wonderful and gentle Mr. Wentworth- stands before her, asking her to walk with him forever. She is forced to say no. She is so controlled by her family- her vain, judgmental, awful family that think Wentworth lacks both breeding and wealth to marry an Elliot. This is where the real life example and the literature diverge. Mr. Wentworth- being young and passionate and human- leaves, hurt and confused beyond consolation.<br />
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It's here we get another life lesson from Mamma Jane. Holding on to things- resentment, betrayal, anger sadness, hurt, and pain- does absolutely no one any good When you do that, hold on to toxic things that spread and pollute, your perceptions of things will eventually become malignant. You can so easily miss the forgiveness standing right in front of you, screaming and begging you to snatch it up and hold it close.<br />
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After many years, Mr. Wentworth and Anne are eventually reunited in true Jane fashion- through a series of coincidences. He is now a captain in the Navy, just as handsome, and much more wealthy. She is still under her family's abusive thumb and still desperately in love with Captain Wentworth. Despite all logic and reason, she secretly hopes, in that palce where all woman hope for impossible things, that he will have forgiven her. He hasn't. Time has not healed all his wounds and his embitterment and resentment is palpable. The only thing that hurts more than losing your first love is having their pain and hatred paraded in front of you over and over and over again. <br />
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I'm telling you, this story is seriously heart breaking.<br />
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But, thankfully, it's about forgiveness- no the lack-there-of. And the all-to-relatable pain we witness Anne having to endure make her and Captain Wentworth's reconciliation all the more beautiful. Wentworth writes Anne, inarguably, the greatest letter in the history of the post. He is honest and apologetic and vulnerable- but more importantly, he finally forgives her. He let's go of all that betrayal and ego. Once his malignant perception of her is is cut away, he can finally see what's truly in front of him: a girl who was never given a chance or taught to fight for what she wants; a girl begging for love and respect; a girl he never stopped loving, not even for a minute. And so, he loves her- because of and despite of where she came from. That is the most miraculous kind of love, because it rests entirely in forgiveness.<br />
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I started this off telling you why someone else loves <i>Persuasion</i>. Now let me tell you why I love it. I love it because it's about a lonely girl who's misunderstood and undervalued. It's about her chance to redeem all of that- to become bold and heard and loved. It's about letting go so you can let someone in. It's about freeing yourself, about forgiving people- accepting the burden of pain they've placed on you and no longer blaming them for it. <b>This story is about Hope</b>.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cTla10qf4y0/TdBghwka9QI/AAAAAAAAALs/jvrMKo25dT0/s1600/tumblr_ll324sfEG11qi7lzuo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="217" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cTla10qf4y0/TdBghwka9QI/AAAAAAAAALs/jvrMKo25dT0/s400/tumblr_ll324sfEG11qi7lzuo1_500.jpg" width="400" /></a><br />
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I could end this post with that- in fact, that was a right fine ending and I debated whether or not I should continue on. But the authoress that has taught me so much deserves a few lines more. This post isn't just about forgiveness and hope- it's about saying goodbye. <i>Persuasion</i> may have taken me the longest to finish. I would read only a few pages at a time- drinking in those final words the way you would with an ill friend during her last days. Eventually I read that final sentence on the final page of her final novel, and my little hand was reluctantly pried away from her weathered, grandmotherly grasp. <br />
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Jane Austen fans are easy to poke fun at. On the surface <s>they</s> we seem positively out of touch with reality. But really, when you go through this experience, when you let Jane guide you through the murky waters of the human condition (armed with a subtle wit and a bonnet), something happens. You are suddenly more in touch with your reality than you ever thought possible. Looking back through my posts about Jane, I am amazed at the lessons I unearthed and the parts of myself I discovered. And all of them so personally and providentially relevant- it creates quite the emotional response. And, embarrassing as it is to admit, I am currently fighting back tears as I write this, surrounded by people in a coffee shop. These tears, this emotion, is about loving a woman who lived decades before myself and yet somehow reached through the ether to touch my life now. It's about saying goodbye to a friend and accepting the sadness that they will never speak new words into your life again.<br />
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Except, here's the amazing thing about the written word- the magic Jane and I both hold so dear- her words will never go away. They are printed and permanent. I may never read anything new from Jane, but the messages she speaks into my life are and will be endless. It's not really goodbye when her presence and influence are as infinite as I am.<br />
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I'll take this last bit of space to say thank you to you, Jane. Thank you for teaching me, challenging me, entertaining me, and inspiring me. Yours are not simple love stories- they are complex portraits of the fragile and diverse human spirit. In part, it will be for you and what you stood for that I pour myself into observation and understanding. It will be for you that I mix universal truths with clever wit and poetry. It will be for you that I seek to inspire, encourage, and befriend with my words. In short, it is because of you that I will write.Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-72467352653538660942011-04-12T23:18:00.001-06:002011-04-12T23:19:20.317-06:00Peter Pan Complex, Jane Austen Style<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tPXzOADjxRU/TaUyMLbZtGI/AAAAAAAAALg/GJPbPEbhiJw/s1600/9032_676641009023_19212836_40361749_6924866_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="313" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tPXzOADjxRU/TaUyMLbZtGI/AAAAAAAAALg/GJPbPEbhiJw/s400/9032_676641009023_19212836_40361749_6924866_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">For a little over a year, I've been reading Jane Austen novels and writing round-about life lessons that only sort of have something to do with the book. This particular goal has been one of my most formidable- as odd as that might sound. I learned about choosing reason over passion, choosing to be authentic in relationships, choosing to be vulnerable and take risks on people, and choosing to let go of those things in the past that can really hold back my present. These are not small life lessons. These are things that have shaped the way I look at myself and interact with the world. I'm not saying I've mastered all or any of them. I'm just saying, they're a big deal.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">I thought <i>Northanger Abby</i> wasn't going to be such a big deal. Austen wrote it to be a parody in response to the gothic novel- which was in vogue at the time- and to discuss the commercial aspect of marriage, which also happened to be in vogue. Her heroine, Catherine, isn't exactly heroic. The first line of the book reads, "No one who had ever seen Catherine Morland in her infancy, would have supposed her born to be an heroine." Her family's a little crazy and over crowded, with a moderate income- neither destitute or wealthy. There is nothing romantic about an average economic state. Catherine herself "bloomed" later than her peers, led a sheltered adolescence, and reads books better than she reads people. And that is her tragic flaw. She prefers imagination over reality. So much so, she creates a story in her head, leading her to believe the father of the man she loves murdered his mother. This ends up being false and Catherine goes home feeling embarrassed and mourning the loss of love. (Don't worry, it's Jane Austen novel, they end up together in the end). </div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">In my younger days, ages 16-21, I'd definitely say I could related to Catherine. And I think that's why she's one of my favorite heroines. It's the same reason I unabashedly listen to Taylor Swift <s>all the time</s> occasionally. It brings me back to those days when I actually thought life was like, well, a Taylor Swift song. True, life seemed to be much more interesting back in my Catherine Morland days, but it was also much more disappointing. As it turns out, unreal expectations hardly ever get met. It's a lot like what I wrote after reading Sense and Sensibility- letting reason prevail over passion.</div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Catherine and I learned the same lesson- life isn't about drama. And I don't mean the reality TV, screaming and fighting, sort of drama. I'm talking about the romantic kind of drama- the kind that happens when you let your imagination trickle into your reality. The kind where you think life is going to be like a romantic comedy, or that no one will notice if you suddenly start talking with a southern accent (yes, I was weird). When Catherine learns this lesson it marks the end of her adolescence and the beginning of adulthood. And after re-reading my previous post about choosing reason over passion I realized I, too, began to leave behind that wonderstruck, eternally optimistic, head in the clouds, girl behind. I left her behind for a grown up realist whose mantra seems to be, "low expectations, no disappointment." And that's just... kind of sad. So here we've reached the main point I'm taking away from this book- growing up really really sucks. I quite miss believing my life was going to turn out like a best selling novel. And there is a part of me that very much wants to ignore credit card bills, insurance companies and FAFSA applications, in favor of building a fort, turning on a flashlight and reading <i>Charlotte's Web</i> until I fall asleep. </div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">But there's a second part to this. True, growing up can be truly awful, but it doesn't come without some redeeming factors. Yes, I have obligations that I really don't want to deal with. Yes, the "fantastical" part of my identity seems to be waning in favor of a realist with low expectations. It seems to be easy to forget the tumultuous embarrassments and let downs I was subjected to when my imaginations seeped into my real life. Because, like I said, high expectations rarely ever get met. So redeeming factor number 1: a cooler head makes for less embarrassment and disappointment.</div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">And let's not forget all the amazing things I get to do now that I am an "adult" (I still can't own that term completely)- things I dreamed of doing before this growth spurt. I get to be independent. I get to travel. I get to spend my money on whatever I was (for better or for worse), and no one gets to tell me when to take a bath or what time to go to bed any more. Adulthood is truly something else.</div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">I really didn't want to write about this- the sadness of growing up. At the end of Peter Pan, there's a line about the grown up Wendy that reads, "You need not be sorry for her. She was one of the kind that likes to grow up. In the end she grew up of her own free will a day quicker than other girls." I am not that girl. I didn't want to write about this, because I really don't know where this leaves me, or anyone for that matter. Growing up is not an option, it's a reality. I can't change the fact that I have bills to pay, I don't want to go back to confusing fantasy with reality, and I'm certain I'll never be eight years old again. The best you can do is appreciate and acknowledge that person you used to be- that dreaming, optimistic girl that believed in fairies and world peace. You can accept that you are not that person anymore. And most importantly, you can smile because you got to be that person for a while. And maybe, you can build a fort out of pillows and blankets in your closet and read <i>Charlotte's Web </i>by flashlight- because you're an adult and no one can tell you not to. </div></div>Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-40311439243770858902011-03-25T17:15:00.000-06:002011-03-25T17:15:54.961-06:00Jackie - Big Question Marks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/--4-4IxKDqRw/TY0iFrSaBpI/AAAAAAAAALc/bibcFkSsYq0/s1600/shakethedust+questionmarkexclamation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/--4-4IxKDqRw/TY0iFrSaBpI/AAAAAAAAALc/bibcFkSsYq0/s320/shakethedust+questionmarkexclamation.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">Ok, here we are, back into posting about actual goals. I suppose it's about time to dig into the spiritual goal. I started writing all of these a few months ago, so I just need to spruce them up a little and post them. I'm hoping to get through these pretty quickly. Here we go...</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">I felt a nagging, no, that's not quite the right word, it sounds too negative. I felt a tug back before the holidays. It was really soft at first, in fact, I almost missed it; it was tender and gentle and kind. A beckoning of my soul. And, it felt familiar.</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">I've had this spiritual goal on my list and I spent the better part of the year not addressing it, but over the holidays I answered that tug and got to have some really fascinating conversations. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">Here's a refresher on the goal: I have spiritual questions. Ones that cannot go unanswered any longer. I decided the book and church answers I can quote from memory weren't enough; I needed more. I wanted to hear first-hand experiences and thoughts. </span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">I chose a handful of people I respect and asked them for a cup of coffee. I got all scientific-like asking them the same questions, documenting their answers and will present these findings to you. I explained to them that I know the Bible passages and rote answers, but I want to hear their hearts and what made them choose, and continue to choose Christianity.</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">But before we get to their answers, I want to give you the questions for perspective.</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">[Wait, even before I get to that, I must apologize. It's going to take a handful of posts to get through this goal. I hope posting this all at once isn't tedious for you as a reader, but if it is I won't be offended if you skip a few and "save them for later."] </span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">Here's where I'm coming from. I am a Christian and I believe everything that goes along with that. I believe there is more to this life than meets the eye and I want to be a part of what's bigger. I love, depend on and need God. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">BUT... and you knew that was coming... sometimes have a hard time seeing the relevance in Christianity. It seems out of place; it's like doesn't fit. I suppose that makes sense with the self-sufficient, relationally-disconnected lifestyle we have modeled for us in America. Thus...</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">Question #1: What does it mean to be a Christian?</span></span></i></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">Each person choses faith for their own reasons - as they should. But to get a little background on the perspective of each interviewee, I wanted to know how they each made their decision to identify with Christianity. Thus...</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">Question #2: Why should I believe there's a God? Why should I care? Why does it matter if I believe in God?</span></span></i></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">Life is significant, or at least it should be. I believe it is. But is it really? And if so, what does that mean?... for my life? For the lives of those around me? For the world? And if we know the point of life, will that make a difference or change things? Thus...</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">Question #3: What's the point of life? What's our individual purpose? What is the point of God having a will if he gave us freedom of choice? Is it Satan who causes bad stuff because he sucks? Or God who causes bad stuff to happen because I'm not good enough?</span></span></i></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">Then I have to wonder how prayer fits into all of this. I don't always understand why God wants to spend time with us. We're supposed to be in some sort of relationship with him, but few people would continue to be in a relationship with someone who treats them as badly as we treat God. It feels almost like God is self-deprecating in the way it feels like he lets us walk all over him. Which brings me back to my point, why does God want to spend time with us? And why would we feel we have the right to ask anything of him? Thus... </span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">Question #4: Prayer: how do I approach it? How does it work? Does it work? How do I evaluate its effectiveness?</span></span></i></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">Then we get to the real crux of the matter... being a real-life Christian. I hate to say this, but I am more often embarrassed to call myself a Christian than I am proud. I am often bewildered that the faith system I belong to, whose focus is loving God who desires relationship, has become a place of judgment, selfishness, unloving and not accepting. It's beyond a matter of personal reputation. I hate that I feel I have to apologize for choosing to to be a follower of Christ. Thus...</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">Question #5: Why should I want to be a part of Christianity when it feels like it comes with a bad reputation or bad name? What does it look like to be an culturally-relevant, non-apologetic Christian?</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"> </span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">I think a lot of people can agree that during the hard times, when it seems there's nothing else to rely on, it's easy to have a relationship with God. Well, maybe "easy" isn't quite the right word. But, when the going is rough, there is an inherent need to have something bigger than this world to believe in, to lean on, to be carried by. How about when things are going well and everything seems to be holding itself together? What then? Thus...</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">Question #6: What does a relationship with God look like in the "normal" times?</span></span></i></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">And last, because each person's relationship with God is such an individual experience, I asked this final question. [Spoiler alert: This question might have something to do with one of my goals for next year.]</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">Question #7: Who is God to you?</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"> </span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">Looking over this list in hindsight, it feels like I asked some daunting questions... I supposed I did. </span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;">The people who gracious shared their thoughts with me did an amazing job putting their faith into perspective. I'm excited to share their answers with you... stay tuned.</span></span></div>Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-42142998256367800352011-03-24T17:39:00.000-06:002011-03-24T17:39:21.439-06:00Jackie - Unravelled<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-xIjNrdOK8fQ/TYvU-LkXnqI/AAAAAAAAALY/h1wTPW1SyEQ/s1600/vintagethread-shakethedust.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-xIjNrdOK8fQ/TYvU-LkXnqI/AAAAAAAAALY/h1wTPW1SyEQ/s1600/vintagethread-shakethedust.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I did something that wasn't very nice. I didn't mean to do it... it just kind of happened. I try to be considerate of others, but sometimes when this brain of mine is trying to synthesize too many things all at once, everything ends up mashed together into one big heap of non-functioning jambalaya. So I wanted to start this blog with an apology for writing a disconcerting blog and then falling off the planet because that wasn't very nice of me.<br />
</span></span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Here's the deal... sometimes when you pull a little thread, the whole thing comes unravelled. That's kinda what happened. This year of Shake the Dust for me was about figuring out me, defining me. It feels a little narcissistic, so I haven't actually said it in this many words before now, but it was "the year of me." It was a year of picking apart what was shaping my life and putting everything back with intentionality. I looked at the people in my life, the stuff in my life, my finances, my creativity, my spirituality, my future goals and the little things in between -- taking things apart and putting them back together again. The hope was to come out on the other side feeling like a more holistic version of myself. And for the most part, that's what was happening.</span></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
Then we got to February. And there was this little thread. So I pulled it. But it just got a little bigger. So I pulled a little more. And that's about when things started falling apart. It's like I ripped out the entire seam. The whole story is much, much too long and complicated for a blog post at this point. But I can tell you I'm confident that when I get to the other side of this, I think I will be a more complete version of myself than I ever have been. </span></span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">But for now I'm in the middle -- between the seams -- and my heart is raw.<br />
</span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Here's the great part about being in the middle, with the seams in disarray: you have the unique capacity to know the love of those around you. A friend recently introduced me to the this quote: </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">"Grief makes us more permeable, where we can get out of ourselves and others can get in. It changes the very shape of our soul." -Richard Rohr</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">And I have definitely been shaped. </span></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I could write a string of blogs on the ways I have been touched and shaped by those around me, but I'll get to the point. Sarah had the insight to see that while the point of this blog was to see what we could do in a year and be honest about what we did and didn't accomplish, sometimes it's more important to have grace with ourselves and finish well. I'm in Portland for the weekend and plan to visit some of my favorite coffee establishments and put into words how I've been shaking the dust. </span></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #783f04;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">For the real this time... stay tuned.</span></span></span></div></div>Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-44102342542818289422011-03-21T21:23:00.003-06:002011-03-21T21:31:21.278-06:00Keep Calm and Craft On<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-rYALZvgxWyc/TYgVi20e64I/AAAAAAAAALU/GUO_MCZUJv4/s1600/Cfrat+post.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-rYALZvgxWyc/TYgVi20e64I/AAAAAAAAALU/GUO_MCZUJv4/s400/Cfrat+post.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 22px;"><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"A</span></span></span><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">bsolutely, anyone can craft. Stick a fistful of pencils into a potato and you've got a pencil holder. Who can't do that?"</span></span></span></span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; line-height: 22px;"><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; line-height: 22px;"><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Amy Sedaris said that and I think she's nailed it. Crafting is one of the few pass times in our world that still allows for imperfections- glorifies them even. There is nothing like running your fingers along a slightly crooked stitch and imagining your grandmother sitting at her sewing machine, natural light pouring in around her, distracted by something outside the window, ending in a slight imperfection that will fuel imaginations for generations. I love the stories that live in every handmade quilt, window treatment, pillow, or wall hanging. These are the things we pass on to one another because they </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">mean </span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">something, not because they are perfect.</span></span></span></span></b><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 22px;">The act of crafting is also wonderful for the creative brain. The repetitive nature of working with your hands can clear a cluttered mind and inspire you in entirely new ways. Nothing can compare to molding and transforming different textures, colors and smells into something new and even more beautiful.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This year I've been trying to embrace this tactile side of creation. I've loved the process, the frustration, and the reward. To hold something in your hands that you created is empowering and cathartic- especially when you get to give that new creation away to someone you love.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Earlier in the year I started small and made pillows out of some t-shirts for The Joplin Kids in Denver. I wish I had pictures of them to share. They were bulgy, a little crooked, and super soft and squishy. To see these little people I love so much snuggle the pillows during nap time and say "they smell like Sarah" was the most rewarding feeling in the world. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Most recently I made some gifts for my sure-to-be-beautiful niece, who is due in May. My wonderful friend Katrina walked me through the process of bobbins, measuring, stitches, and seam rippers with a lot of patience and little cursing (on my part). But in a couple of days the end product sat in my suitcase bound for Denver, wrapped up in coral fabric, waiting to be placed in my sister's hands. I fussed over the imperfections when she opened it, of course, but she really really loved it all. Bibs, wash clothes, and a hooded towel. I really wanted that soft baby skin to be warm and snug after baths, so I splurged a little on extra soft terry cloth and ridiculously cute fabric. It seems this little girl has me wrapped around her finger, even from the womb. </span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-lEEXt-J_kos/TYgUPaiqQoI/AAAAAAAAALE/7vPr49GPuC0/s1600/IMG_2733.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-lEEXt-J_kos/TYgUPaiqQoI/AAAAAAAAALE/7vPr49GPuC0/s400/IMG_2733.JPG" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-zpzYjAsUAOM/TYgVJdLKV2I/AAAAAAAAALM/-eeWhTCHLlQ/s1600/IMG_2744.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-zpzYjAsUAOM/TYgVJdLKV2I/AAAAAAAAALM/-eeWhTCHLlQ/s400/IMG_2744.JPG" width="300" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-AQ3KgFirm6g/TYgVfQxrQOI/AAAAAAAAALQ/fcDiSuSlsAE/s1600/IMG_2752.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-AQ3KgFirm6g/TYgVfQxrQOI/AAAAAAAAALQ/fcDiSuSlsAE/s400/IMG_2752.JPG" width="300" /></a></div><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">For everyone reading this, thinking to themselves, "I'm not crafty," I have news for you- You Are. If I can create things like this- and let go of the inner critic that tells me everything that come out of me must be perfect- anyone can do it. I'll let Amy Sedaris leave you with one last bit of encouragement: </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 22px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">If you craft, and you should, craft with abandon and don’t judge your work. It’s the process that’s important, not the final product. Remember, for every person who deems your project crap, there is another person who hasn’t seen it. The only person you have to please is yourself, and what do you know about art</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">?"</span></span><br />
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</span></span></span>Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-88252783150004437132011-03-09T23:20:00.005-07:002011-03-10T20:50:42.279-07:00What's a Mulligan, and Here's What I Thought of Emma<i>Some of you may have noticed that March 1st has come and gone and Jackie and I have not posted our end-of-year wrap up posts. Congratulations to Genevieve who seems to be the only one of us that has her business together. I can't wait to read the second half of all her accomplishments! As for Jackie and I, we're in need of a bit of an extension. Just a couple of weeks, we promise. We discussed it and decided there are times when it's best to set goals and a timeline and, at the end, take a step back and evaluate what you achieved and what you didn't. But there are other times when you just need to feel good about what you've accomplished, even if it means taking a bit more time than you anticipated. So, we're asking for a Mulligan. Maybe? I'm not very good at golf.</i><br />
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<i>That being said, I'll jump right into my post about <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">Emma</span>, which I finished a few weeks ago.</i><br />
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It's common knowledge that, for a story to be worth reading- to be a story at all- there has to be change, character transformation. And I believe the stories we write and read are derived from the universal way our lives are lead. "If story is just condensed versions of life, then life itself may be designed to change us so that we evolve from one kind of person to another." Donald Miller said that and, fair warning, there's going to be just as much talk about him in this post as there is of Jane Austen.<br />
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What we can take away from that quote by Donald is that we change because life is happening <i>to </i>us, which I won't argue with. But what if we look at <i>Emma.</i> Emma certainly goes through a character transformation, but the change came from the choices she made and the acceptance and consequences she had to <i>choose </i>to learn from. Emma was a bad friend to people. She let her entitlement and boredom cloud her judgement into treating other as less than herself and pawns she found pleasure in moving about and watching collide. Only the approbation of a trusted and respected friend opened her eyes to her indecency and, at times, cruelty.<br />
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So, in this respect, life didn't happen <i>to</i> Emma. She didn't have to throw her hands in the air, accept a situation she had no control over, and embrace the transformation that was sure to follow. Emma actively created a bad situation for herself. <i>She</i> treated Mr.s Bates cruelly. <i>She </i>convinced Harriet to turn down a proposal from the man she loves based on his lower station. <i>She</i> flirted openly with a man who turned out to be engaged to really amazing woman. A woman Emma had known since childhood, made a snap judgement about, and dismissed as boring and unworthy. All of her pain was self inflicted. <br />
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For me, it's so much easier to accept the things I have no control over- to look at them objectively, learn from them, and move on. But it's the self inflicted pain that's the hardest to get past. How do you stop focusing on the "how could I let this happen" to get to the deeper meaning, the stuff that leads to character transformation?<br />
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I wish I was better this. I wish I could fill the rest of this space with "this is what happened in my past, this is what I learned, and here's something insightful you can quote to your friends." But the truth is I'm quite bad at it. My version of embracing the past is letting enough time go by so I start to forget whatever it was until something or someone comes along to drudge it all up again.<br />
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The best I can come up with is that maybe it's a combination of the two- the choices I make, both good and bad, <i>are</i> life happening to me. And the most dangerous thing I can do is tuck them safely away to that dark corner in my mind, the one with the cobwebs and thick layer of untouched dust. Even though I did have control over those situations I can still throw my hands in the air- not just to accept what life has thrown at me, but to let those choices go, to admit that they happened, to understand why they had to, and to embrace the transformation that will ensue. Every bit of my past is part of my story, which is still being written and moving toward something much more grand and consequential than any one mistake or bad choice I've made. And that kind of makes the whole mess a little exciting.<br />
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Now, because he is much wiser than I, I'll end on one last insight from Donald Miller: "I want to keep myself fertile for changes, so things keep getting born into me, so things keep dying when it's time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently."<br />
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So go out, embrace your transformation, and live a page-turning life.Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-48090104821356136862011-02-27T16:33:00.002-07:002011-02-27T16:40:31.422-07:00This is just the beginning, Genevieve: Part 1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-wY2ZK4nvOXI/TWreXfPPyNI/AAAAAAAAAK8/WcfvAd_JM3c/s1600/Sun-Spot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-wY2ZK4nvOXI/TWreXfPPyNI/AAAAAAAAAK8/WcfvAd_JM3c/s320/Sun-Spot.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>This image can be found at: http://www.deramphotography.com</i></span></div><br />
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Whenever I hear the haunting piano line that opens Aqualung's <i><b>Memory Man</b></i>, my heart stops. It's as if the song unlocks a well of hope and vision deep in my soul. I instantly start to dream. And for some reason, this week I found myself rummaging through stacks of CDs in the front room of my apartment in search of <i><b>Memory Man</b></i>. Maybe it's because I distinctly remember blasting through the Nevada desert on my way to LA summer of '07, sitting in shock on an airplane after my grandfather passed away or laying in the dark on my bed with ideas floating in my head, all listening to the same album. There are so many secrets embedded in those songs, but without fail every time I press play the music catalyzes excitement and I see that "tiny glimmer flickering on the horizon". <br />
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And personally that's where I'm at... this past year of setting out with purpose has been quite daunting, but completely fulfilling. I have taken risks and failed. I have dreamed and succeeded. But never have I been so content and happy with who I am and where I am headed. I finally took the time to let go of what I thought was expected of me or ultimately what I expected of myself. I just am. <br />
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I realize I've been missing on here for several months, but to be honest, I needed to disappear. Falling off the map sometimes is the most necessary step to placing yourself in the right spot the next time around. So, now that I've found my trajectory again, I'll fill you in with where I am and hopefully headed.<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><i style="color: red;"><b>Genevieve's Goals </b></i></span></span><br />
<div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><i><b>(I'll be covering half in this entry and half in my final entry) </b></i></span></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><u>Personal Goals:</u></b></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><u></u></b></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><u><o:p></o:p></u></b></span></span></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> <o:p></o:p> 2. Get published in Relevant Magazine for a CD review or an online article.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> -This is one goal that I tried to no avail. I submitted a piece on the power of forgiveness back in November, but never heard anything back. I'm totally fine with it and I actually learned a lot from just simply writing the piece. If I ever feel inspired to write a CD review, I'll try that next.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">3. Travel to the Pacific Northwest <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> - It was so wonderful to discover the little nooks and neighborhoods of Portland and drive to Seattle for the day with Sarah:)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">5. Be a good owner to Mr. Keith Moon.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> -The dog training this last fall was very beneficial and I keep instilling that into my little man every day. He truly is a joy and blessing in my life.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><b></b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><u>Church/ Spiritual Goals:<o:p></o:p></u></b></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">1. Lead worship reflective of God’s heart.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> - I've found that worship is what God is calling me to musically right now. I am leading once a month at Corona Presbyterian and once a month at my church, Scum of the Earth. We had an all night of worship at Scum in January that was phenomenal and really pushed some boundaries of mine. I'm currently in the process of planning regular worship nights at varying houses and hopefully creating an interdenominational, multiple church lead services. The first one will be at my house at the end of March.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><u> Musical Goals:<o:p></o:p></u></b></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">1. Play our first show</span><span style="font-family: Wingdings;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"> and hopefully have many to follow!!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> - This obviously looks a bit different than I initially intended it last year. Last year around this time I was in the beginnings of a band with several guys I grew up with. It fell through after a career change, people moving etc. BUT despite that, I have been playing shows and I love it:) Performing is definitely something that makes me tick and it has been delightful. I did two CD release shows as a part of my lovely friend's, Ms. Leslie Brown's (www.theoriginallesliebrown.com) backing band. I also played a set of original music and some covers for a benefit show at the beginning of this month. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><u>Career Goals</u></b></span><span style="font-family: Arial;">:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">1. Push myself at my current job and ultimately learn deeper facets of the industry.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> -</span></span>Over the past 6 months my job has done a complete 180. After a summer of grueling production hours and great frustration with my boss, I sat him down for a talk. We came to some understandings and he has handed me more creative control and ultimately more respect. I started the Discovery Artists Series every Thursday night in our Cafe to cultivate up and coming artists in the Denver folk scene. I book for our Tuft Theater more and am in charge of our Four Mile Park summer series. I'm making deals, working with a budget and have learned the ins and outs of booking. The company also just sent me to the International Folk Alliance last weekend to scout bands and I will be heading to Austin for SXSW in a few weeks as well.</div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><u>Entrepreneurial Goals:</u></b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><u></u></b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><u><o:p></o:p></u></b></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> 2. Put on some benefit concerts and a few house shows.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> - Since July my church has been meeting at alternate churches, because of fire code remodeling that we have to get done before we can have large groups in our building again. I miss our building and it has been trying at times, but the congregation has really come together to raise the funds we need to get our building back. Another worship leader and I headed up a benefit concert at the beginning of February with Wovenhand and a handful of bands that go to Scum. We were able to raise $3,000 dollars and put on a great show.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> - Anthology Fine Art (http://www.anthologyfineart.com/) asked me to coordinate the music aspect of a recent benefit show they had for the Greenbacks of Colorado. The turn out was great and they were able to raise thousands of dollars for free rivers and lakes in Colorado. This has opened up to planning other shows with them. A local artist and I are currently planning a live screen printing event at the gallery in June. Working with multi-medium art shows has been such a growing experience! </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> - The house shows will come into play with the worship nights that I'm planning:) </span></span></div>Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-369861280781809002011-02-09T00:43:00.000-07:002011-02-09T00:43:32.704-07:00Sarah's Great Affair is to Move<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TVJAhKpEocI/AAAAAAAAAKk/JOPa-8SETkU/s1600/IMG_2702.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TVJAhKpEocI/AAAAAAAAAKk/JOPa-8SETkU/s400/IMG_2702.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div><br />
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<div>I can happily say I'm crossing off number 5: "<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Get out of the city once a week, out of the state once a month, out of the country once a year." <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Technically, I did not do this to the letter, but I did leave the country for a day and since it's my blog, and I get to cross things off, I'm declaring this goal "achieved."</span></span></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><br />
</span></span></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">When I started with Shake the Dust, I thought I'd fulfill the end of this goal by going to Haiti. That's proof of how much visions can change in just a year. Unfortunately, Haiti wasn't in the cards for me. But since British Columbia is now just a short jaunt away, I packed a bag and begged a roommate to accompany me on a whirl wind trip to Victoria, BC. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">It never occurred to Emily and I that going to Canada for one night would be thought strangely of. But, time and time again, we were met with the same perplexed look and doubting air whenever we told someone our scheme. This personified itself when we attempted to cross the border into Canada. Apparently, we held within our circumstance the perfect storm of suspicion for a Canadian Border Patrol Officer. He questioned us so intensely that I was beginning to think that I had, in fact, done something horribly wrong. The exchange went something like this:</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">"Where do you live?"</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">"Portland."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">"Why do you have Colorado plates?"</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">"I moved from Colorado in August."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">"When in August?"</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">"Erm... Early-ish."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">"Why are you going to Canada?"</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">"To stay in Victoria."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">"For how long?"</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">"Just the night."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">"That's a long way to go for one night."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">"... Yup."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">"You might be a terrorist. Drive here, give this to her, and don't ask any questions because we won't answer them."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">Luckily we were found innocent of all terrorist-related charges and continued Northward where a ferry boat waited to take us to the beautiful island of Victoria. The boat ride was taken in the dark, and therefore lead to many Titanic jokes and slightly more serious wonderings of where they keep the life boats (Deck 5). </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span></div><div><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TVJB6NGaSqI/AAAAAAAAAK0/NMk0C3m0chw/s1600/IMG_2722.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TVJB6NGaSqI/AAAAAAAAAK0/NMk0C3m0chw/s200/IMG_2722.JPG" width="150" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">We finally reached land about 90 minutes later. With mildly shaky knees and bellies full of french fries and gravy (do as the Canadians do!), we boarded a bus to our hostel. As is the case in most traveling stories, we walked the wrong direction from the bust stop for about 5 blocks before we realized what direction we were going. But, we got to see a bit of Victoria's China Town, which was beautiful. Red lanterns hung from street post to street post, and decorative arch ways welcomed in those lured by the smells of fresh herbs and teas illuminated in shop windows. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">Our hostel was finally found around 8 pm, and we were greeted by a lovely young lady in novelty sized, dark rimmed glasses, manning the desk of a brightly painted vessel for young and care free travelers. Our desires for tea and crumpets and dresses and hats were soon abandoned and replaced with wishes for some comfortable jeans and a micro brew. Nevertheless, we settled into our room and headed out in search of dinner. This turned into a walking tour of night time Victoria, which is entirely navigable by foot. We finally decided on a thai street food restaurant and had an odd conversation with an older man about his nephew who plays soccer for OU. The conversation dragged on a little longer than was wanted, I think because I flattered him too much based on his nephew's good looks (he made me google him on my phone). At any rate, he gave me some good "older person travel advice." Things like, "when you take the ferry back, get the buffet, not the cafeteria" and "Next time just fly here, it's cheaper."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">We tried to find a nice Canadian bar to settle into, but this turned into another session of us wandering about in the dark, peering into bars playing the UFC fight and boldly trudging onward. We finally decided to head back to the bar at the hostel, which turned out to be perfect- they had a band playing, the beer was cheap, and a rather cute Englishman shared a table with us. After a long and serious talk (sans Englishman), as Emily and I are prone to do in unlikely surroundings (mostly bars), we slowly walked upstairs to our room, giggling as we went, because we couldn't believe we had <i>actually</i> made it to Canada and we were <i>actually </i> only staying for one night.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span></div><div><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TVJAPCwTw_I/AAAAAAAAAKg/8c17oDauJuU/s1600/IMG_2695.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TVJAPCwTw_I/AAAAAAAAAKg/8c17oDauJuU/s200/IMG_2695.JPG" width="200" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">The next day, we were both excited to see Victoria by day. We stopped at Lady Marmalade and had a shockingly fresh breakfast (who knew salad could be that good before 10 am). After a bit of shopping and some more adventuring around the city, we settled into a coffee shop (where everything was made of drift wood) and hid out from the rain. We were met by a man with a penchant for staring, however, and had to move on. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span></div><div><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TVJBiuv4sxI/AAAAAAAAAKw/jSqG40Lb99c/s1600/IMG_2714.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TVJBiuv4sxI/AAAAAAAAAKw/jSqG40Lb99c/s200/IMG_2714.JPG" width="200" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">Much to an traveler's delight, we then stumbled upon a Chinese New Year parade and got to see the tail end of it (literally- there were dragons). We were greeted again by the smells of the night before and the sights of Chinese street markets and sounds of firecrackers and traditional music. Our time was growing short, though, so we popped into a nearby cafe to pickup food for the ferry ride home. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">We found ourselves in a long, warm room with high ceilings and venerable brick walls. There were some children sprawled across the floor, quietly playing; young adults with fancy headphones, tapping away on macs; and generations upwards enjoying each other's company, reading newspapers, and turning pages of books. The food was all whole and organic, the staff all beautiful (of course), and Emily both agreed if we could spend the rest of our days in that one little shop, we would both be perfectly happy. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">But, since we both had jobs to return to and, more immediately, a ferry to catch, we carried our wrapped up treats and headed back to the hostel.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"></span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TVJCNRscGbI/AAAAAAAAAK4/mWPbHnUd0ks/s1600/IMG_2724.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TVJCNRscGbI/AAAAAAAAAK4/mWPbHnUd0ks/s200/IMG_2724.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Thank Brownie Troupe!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">Emily and I both agreed we travel very well together- we are both laid back, open to new experiences, and welcome meeting new people. There is, however, a trait we share that proved to make traveling rather difficult. Neither of us listen particularly well to detailed instructions. This proved almost itself when, after receiving very distinct directions on how to get to our bus stop, we both stood waiting at the wrong corner for 20 minutes. When we spotted our bus on the other side of the street, a good distance away, we had to run for it- heeled boots, luggage, and all- and made it just in time- laughing uncontrollably, and thanking our stars for the slow-legged Brownie Troupe that was boarding as we rushed up. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">Was it the most eventful trip? Was it life changing or of grand proportions? Perhaps not. But it did remind me of the excitement traveling induces, and awoke that Wanderlust that lay dormant for so long. And we came away from it with so much laughter and genuine, quality experiences, that I can't help but want to go back next weekend and the weekend after that. Perhaps even call Victoria home for a while. Who knows!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><br />
And to those, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;">especially that border patrol officer,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"> who thought it odd we'd go so far for such a short amount of time, I leave you with the wisdom of Robert Lewis Stevenson- "</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel's sake. The great affair is to move."</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">And cheers to great affairs!</span></div>Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-67864117527009524882011-02-03T16:45:00.000-07:002011-02-03T16:45:33.507-07:00Jackie - Blindsided<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TUs92ZR3n7I/AAAAAAAAAKU/76_S3oeAwDY/s1600/blindsided_by_nerdynotdirty.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="214" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TUs92ZR3n7I/AAAAAAAAAKU/76_S3oeAwDY/s320/blindsided_by_nerdynotdirty.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Have you ever had one of those seasons in life where everything is just swimming? A season where life feels content and the world seems full of possibilities; it's not perfect, but it seems like all the puzzle pieces fit together. You know, one of those times when there is this indescribable excitement for the future. <br />
<br />
And then you get completely blindedsided.<br />
<br />
That's what happened in my world in the 48 hours from Saturday afternoon to Monday afternoon. It's past the point where up feels down, and down feels up. I'm not even sure what up and down feel like any more. Or maybe up and down don't even exist. I think they do; I'm just not sure where to find them. </div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">It's a little like getting blindfolded and spun around, and then expected to pin the mustache on Benito Juarez... or a tail on a donkey.</div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Except multiply that times 4.<br />
<br />
So... the of the Shake the Dust year... yeah, that came up a little unexpectedly also. But I still have 4 weeks. You'll be hearing from me again soon.</div>Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-41922645471008392522011-01-20T15:37:00.001-07:002011-01-20T20:32:13.299-07:00Jackie - Happy Birthday to Me!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TTi43zGIXtI/AAAAAAAAAKM/pZXWeJeWvqA/s1600/little+kids+blowing+out+birthday+cake+by+Foxtongue+at+flickr.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="317" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TTi43zGIXtI/AAAAAAAAAKM/pZXWeJeWvqA/s320/little+kids+blowing+out+birthday+cake+by+Foxtongue+at+flickr.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">That's right, it was my birthday this week. And this birthday was unlike any other I have experienced, but I mean that in a good way. Generally, I hate my birthday. As a friend of mine put it, it falls in no-man's land. It's a few weeks after Christmas, long enough that everyone is in a dull zone of life. There's been actual research presented about how depressed everyone is during the middle of January. Translation: People aren't in the mood to celebrate. Like I said, generally, I hate my birthday.<br />
<br />
But this year was different. <br />
<br />
I had originally planned to spend my birthday in Portland with Sarah, but all that stuff with my car was time consuming and cost me the money I had saved for the trip. When plans changed, I moped. In fact, I moped a lot. I thought about just forgetting my birthday. I thought I'd stay home and maybe hang out with Harry Potter all weekend. Then it dawned on me that I was being ridiculous. [Not about the Harry Potter part, of course. Just about all the moping.]<br />
<br />
Turns out, I had the best birthday ever. Seriously. My friends and family made me feel loved and celebrated. My cup runneth over.<br />
<br />
In the past when I made resolutions for myself, I usually measured them from birthday to birthday -- it felt more personal to me that way. But this year, I still have 6 weeks left to Shake the Dust. I have a lot to say about what a year of trying to shake the dust has been like. It's been challenging, good, hard, long, surprising. But I'll save that for a sappy end-of-the-year post. <br />
<br />
Instead, I'm adding a goal. Ok, not a real, measurable, Shake the Dust goal; it's a little more abstract. My birthday this year taught me something, it taught me that I've been missing. Not that I've literally been unable to find, but that I'm missing details, nuances and generally good things in life. It was the details that made my birthday special - each individual well-wish, a ridiculous amount of laughter with friends, noisemakers and a CD, homemade cakes [thick yarn and all], phone calls and thoughtful gifts, countless hugs. Little things with lots of meaning. <br />
<br />
I don't want to keep missing. <br />
<br />
Here's to being more grateful and paying attention to the small things on a daily basis.</div>Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-42539669419726008342011-01-16T11:13:00.001-07:002011-01-16T11:13:56.148-07:00Sarah Checks In<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TTM1PjmWOgI/AAAAAAAAAKI/eA0YlnmUW-E/s1600/tumblr_l509w84v0M1qaynb1o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TTM1PjmWOgI/AAAAAAAAAKI/eA0YlnmUW-E/s640/tumblr_l509w84v0M1qaynb1o1_500.jpg" width="424" /></a></div><br />
Fair Warning: This will not be an informative, enlightening, or exciting post. But read to the end if you want to feel a little bit better about yourself.<br />
<br />
As our year here at Shake the Dust comes to a close (a little later than every one else's), I've been examining my goals, figuring out which ones to power through and which ones need to be let go. As it turns out, I think I'm going end up doing pretty well. But at the risk of counting my chickens, I'll just leave it at that. <br />
<br />
Here's where I'm at and what I'll be working on in the next couple of weeks:<br />
<br />
<br />
<ol style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: decimal;"><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><b>Weight Loss: </b>Still feelin sassy- and that's what counts!</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><b>Incorporate Artist Dates once a week</b>- I'm on one right now.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><b>Finish one of my two writing projects- </b>I plan on spending the entire day at this coffee shop, hashing out this short story. No telling where that'll leave me, but the hope is that I'll be finished in the next couple of weeks. </span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><b>Get something published</b>- I have some ideas about this that I'd rather not share just yet...</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><b>Get out of the city once a week, out of the state once a month, out of the country once a year</b>- There are talks of going to Canada. Stay tuned. </span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><b>Read through all of Austen</b>- Half way through Emma at present. Two more to go after that! </span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><b>Complete my Denver Bucket list before I leave</b>: Check!</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><b>Minimize</b>- Check!</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><b>Find somewhere to volunteer at in Portland</b>- Emily and I are pursuing an opportunity at a women's shelter. I'm looking at working in their children's program.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><b>Get in contact with Heartline and others to solidify a plan for Haiti for next summer</b>- I know of at least one person, potentially two, who absolutely want to go next year. I've emailed a few contact and have been referred to a few other people. Now it's just up to finding a need we feel comfortable fulfilling and working out logistics.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><b>Embrace my crafty side. Learn to sew, crochet, paste, and spread glitter around on construction paper</b>- My wonderful friend Katrina and <a href="http://katriniella.wordpress.com/">The Penny Farthing</a> has offered to help me with some hand made gifts for my beautiful niece-to-be. If you check out Katrina's blog and see all the beautiful creations she has posted there, you'll know I am in good hands!</span></li>
</ol><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: small; line-height: normal;">So that's where I'm at! I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you all for sticking with us through this process. You didn't have to read about us talking about our lives every week- but you did. And the stories of how</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"><i>we</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: small; line-height: normal;">have inspired</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"><i>you</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: small; line-height: normal;">have been invaluable in keeping us going at Shake the Dust. We love you. You're wonderful. And keep reading! We have still have a few weeks to go :)</span></span></span></div>Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-35341889326106358342011-01-08T18:17:00.006-07:002011-01-08T18:24:00.770-07:00Waiting in Lines at H&M: Where Sarah Learned the Art of Letting Your Mind Wander<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TSkMbdooYDI/AAAAAAAAAKE/Ru6JJYVAsWY/s1600/44068-fc03d9-500-500_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TSkMbdooYDI/AAAAAAAAAKE/Ru6JJYVAsWY/s400/44068-fc03d9-500-500_large.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
Today I went on an artist's date. I woke up a little panicky. About what, I'm not sure. Taking myself on a date isn't exactly like going on a typical date. I mean, I'm pretty comfortable with myself, I don't mind if I don't shave my legs, and I don't have to worry if I think my jokes are funny or if I have food in my teeth- because I know my jokes are hilarious, and so is having food in my teeth. But seeing as I get panicky over most things, I rolled out myself out of bed and told myself to got over it. I showered, dressed, procrastinated, brushed my teeth, and procrastinated some more. I trudged downstairs and said a disgruntled goodbye to Emily. I headed downtown to Powell's for some quiet reflection surrounded by my three dearest friends- words, characters, and can't-turn-the-page-fast-enough plots. <br />
<br />
I perused the variously themed rooms- Rose, Purple, Green; Children's, History, Classical Literature. After searching in vain for this beautifully illustrated copy of Emily Dickinson's <i>My Letter to the World</i> and purchasing a short book about writing novels, I perched myself in the cafe against the wall of windows, across from the Buffalo Exchange. In front of me was a vanilla latte and a copy of <i>Emma</i>. To my right was a devout chemistry student taking up three seats with her work and listening to Lil Wayne at a level most otolaryngologists would disapprove of. The garbled hip hop did not frame my reading of Jane Austen well, but there wasn't anywhere else to sit, and after a while you just get used to things like that. It wasn't until she left to go to the bathroom, and my brain let out a sigh of relief, that I realized I wouldn't be able to ignore her quite as successful when she returned. So I packed my things, took a final sip of that vanilla latte, and headed to Antrhopologie to see what sorts of inspiration awaited me.<br />
<br />
I love Anthropologie, to point of hating Anthropologie. I used quite a bit of restraint, but seeing that "Sale" sign by the front door was rather ominous. Artist dates are not excuses to buy things you don't need, however, so I kept myself to the books and little trinkets that tend to set my imagination afire. There's something about perfume puffs and the tinkling of those delicate tea cups that I simply can't resist. Surrounding yourself with beautiful things can do nothing but aid in the creative process... Right? I left with beautiful copy of Anne of Green Gables, a book of inspirations by Paulo Coehlo and a delicate, tinkling tea cup. <br />
<br />
Next I took myself (and my newly acquired books and china) to H&M, where I had a gift card to work my way through. People in Portland are a little intense when it comes to H&M. Really, the dressing room lines, the clothes scattered every which way and the dazed looking employees are a little silly. But I struggled through it, finding some very preppy things to wear to a "Soul Dance Party" tonight (very well then, I contradict myself). <br />
<br />
I should mention that I forgot my phone this morning. At first blush, this was a panic-worthy revelation. But a few hours and some deep breaths later, I realized that I could, in fact, get along fine without it. It wasn't until I stood in line for a dressing room at H&M that I really started to miss the little guy. But, as 5 minutes turned into 15, which turned eventually turned into 30 and so on, I noticed something odd taking place. Rather than distracting myself with Facebook statuses and Twitter updates, I was... thinking, imagining, conjuring and creating. Recently I've been worried about my lake of creativity and increasingly shortened attention span. But just 3 hours without my phone, and I was coming up with ideas for a novel, framing new blog ideas, and thinking of how very much Emma and I are alike. <br />
<br />
I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be getting out of these artist's dates- I'm not exactly short on alone time and the concept was beginning to feel a little trivial. But the process of intentionally carving out a block of time where you are forced to communicate with no one but yourself- even if you're doing something you might be doing otherwise- can be truly monumental. It's just like creating space and time for a couple to come together to reconnect, communicate, and get to know one another again. I had almost forgotten how wildly my mind can work when it's allowed to wander at will. It was refreshing and encouraging to know that I am always a fountain of new ideas, I just need to allow opportunities for my imagination to do what it does best.<br />
<br />
What started as an apathetic attempt to fulfill a goal I'm being held accountable to, turned into a really beautiful experience of getting back in touch with the parts of myself- my nuances- that are lost, forgotten, and overlooked on a daily basis. This is an artist's date at the core and I highly recommend them for anyone wanting to recharge, reconnect and remember the little qualities that make them extraordinary.Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-18418979248692557692010-12-31T08:53:00.000-07:002010-12-31T08:53:23.742-07:00Jackie - You Are Uniquely You<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TR38VJanrsI/AAAAAAAAAKA/OqrLwAJ3mYo/s1600/New-Years-Eve-Fireworks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TR38VJanrsI/AAAAAAAAAKA/OqrLwAJ3mYo/s320/New-Years-Eve-Fireworks.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I have great news! And I can't believe I forgot to share it with you a few weeks ago. My check engine light turned off! I added some oil, talked to her gently and the check engine light is no longer staring me down every time I drive my car. Maybe you're like me and you're thinking, that car is pretty old, is it possible the light just burned out? Except that whenever I start my car and all the lights in my dash come on, it let's me know it still works. [Unlike my gas light, which really did burn out.]<br />
<br />
Here's the bad news: my car got totaled last week. I was in a small accident, but my 13 year old Honda Accord took the brunt of the damage and the estimate to repair her is over $4,200. The upside of this is that they think my 13 year old Honda Accord is worth almost $5,000. I'm sure I won't get the whole amount, but that's a great start to a down payment. As far as it affects my financial goal - I don't think it will too much. I chatted it through with Financial Guru Lisa and if I can keep my car loan payment less than my current credit card payments, I'll be just fine. [Spoiler Alert: That means those credit card payments are about to go away soon!]<br />
<br />
The other good news is that my cousin, Kaleigh is going to be flying in on Sunday to spend a few days with the family. She is one of my favorites so I'm looking forward to spending a few days reconnecting with her. I'll let you know how it goes. <br />
<br />
The last day of the year is a great time for reflection. So I'm including a piece I wrote for the current issue of the magazine I work for. As you're considering the year behind - all the things you wanted to accomplished and all the things you wish you'd accomplished but didn't... and as you're considering the year ahead - all the things you'd like to accomplish and the items from that list you might be doubting... consider the fact that you are who you are on purpose. <br />
<br />
You Are Uniquely You<br />
Consider this.<br />
And really take the<br />
time to think about<br />
it. You are unique.<br />
There will never be<br />
anyone else who can<br />
fit into your mold.<br />
<br />
And that was on<br />
purpose.<br />
<br />
Reflect on the detail<br />
put into creating<br />
your physical body.<br />
Think about the oneof-<br />
a-kind way you<br />
taste food, make<br />
and grow babies and<br />
see color and all the<br />
complex processes<br />
your body carries<br />
out every day.<br />
<br />
Examine the way<br />
your mind works.<br />
Ponder the individual<br />
way you experience<br />
emotions, think<br />
about complex<br />
ideas, enjoy others<br />
and love deeply.<br />
<br />
Contemplate what<br />
makes you — you.<br />
The combination of<br />
your genetics, life<br />
experiences and<br />
choices are exclusive<br />
only to you.<br />
<br />
And consider that it<br />
was all on purpose.<br />
You are uniquely<br />
you. And you are<br />
loved for exactly<br />
who you are.<br />
<br />
-Jackie Alvarez<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Originally appeared in November/December 2010 <i>MomSense </i>magazine. </span></div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">MOPS.org. Used with Permission.</span></div>Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-89164023618415254772010-12-26T16:50:00.002-07:002010-12-27T19:01:56.469-07:00Jackie - charity: water<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TRfUopAhWZI/AAAAAAAAAJ8/nTGenh4yBqY/s1600/rwanda_clean_well.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" n4="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TRfUopAhWZI/AAAAAAAAAJ8/nTGenh4yBqY/s320/rwanda_clean_well.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Christmas is over and now it's back to real life, huh? It's amazing how fast it comes and goes and then the day after Christmas is left in an erie silence of "normal" we haven't seen since the middle of November. </span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">In an effort to keep a little bit of the Christmas spirit alive, I'll tell you a little about my holiday this year. And it even relates to a goal. You're impressed, I can tell. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Over Christmas I got involved globally. What? Over Christmas? Yes. It's not the grand jesture I had imagine when I wrote my goals almost a year ago, but it was a step. I little step toward engaging people across various borders. At TNL [that's my church], we got involved with an organization called charity: water [<a href="http://charitywater.org/">charitywater.org</a>] for the holiday. The premise was this: give one less gift to someone who doesn't really need it and donate the money toward building a well so that somewhere across the ocean people could have a basic necessity of life: clean drinking water. And not just one sip of cool, clear refreshing water, but a well that will provide water for 20 years! They're a fantastic organization and you should check them out! </span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This year, I set my Christmas budget, went minimal on the gifts and gave everything left over toward the cause. And I'll tell you what, it felt fantastic! I've given to other organizations before, but this time it felt different, more significant. Maybe it's because I'm in this season of financial limits, but it felt like I really gave of myself toward others who have even less. It gave this year's Christmas more purpose than usual. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I'll leave you with a couple things you might be interested in checking out:</span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.charitywater.org/tnl">www.charitywater.org/tnl</a></span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span>Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-44897379678193103202010-12-15T19:36:00.000-07:002010-12-15T19:36:45.555-07:00Jackie - Things Are Moving ... Slowly<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TQl7EA1JEvI/AAAAAAAAAJ0/YsZcnJ8WL3E/s1600/kemps-ridley-sea-turtle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TQl7EA1JEvI/AAAAAAAAAJ0/YsZcnJ8WL3E/s320/kemps-ridley-sea-turtle.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I'll start by saying I have quite a few things to write about. However, since I'm already struggling to get all my posts in, I'm going to save the significant things for their own posts. [Did I say that last time, I feel like I did... ] It feels a little like cheating, but think of it as getting out of reading one really, really long post.<br />
<br />
First, GOOD NEWS!! My financial aid came through! I'm a little late with the news but I received my full financial aid for the fall semester that just finished. AND, they awarded me full financial aid for spring semester. The letter [which I didn't receive until a few weeks ago] explained that I will continue receiving financial aid on a term by term basis as long as I'm working toward completing a goal and my grades are good. Woo hoo!! <br />
<br />
On that same financial note, I think I got my second job back. Which is a blessing and a curse. They couldn't manage without me [ha, ha] so over break I'm going to be putting in some extra hours and earning some extra money. The problem is that my school schedule next semester isn't going to be easy and I'm not sure how I'm going to make it all happen successfully. But I'll deal with that when it comes. <br />
<br />
Also, I decided it's time to tackle my spiritual goal. I'll be honest, for the past few months I have been intentionally ignoring this goal. I haven't been in the right place to engage my questions and I wanted to do my best to give this whole process a fair chance. But for the past few weeks I've felt something in my heart and now I can't ignore God whispering to my heart any longer. It's time. So, I actually drafted up 5 proposal letters to people I'd like to "interview" with my spiritual questions and sent them out. By the amount of time I took writing the letters I can tell that this goal is going to be very humbling.<br />
<br />
In an effort to enhance creativity I've committed to working through <i>The Artist's Way</i>. The book has been sitting on my shelf for quite some time with the intention of working through it, but I always put it off. It's a 12 week adventure [that's not the right word, but go with it] and for that reason it would be more appropriate to do over the summer, but I'm decided it can't wait any longer so I'm delving in. I might also have some other creative news, but I can't say. Which is kind of rude for me to even bring up, but I wanted to let you know that something is happening. <br />
<br />
So... my box of random papers. Christmas break. I'm going to make it happen if it kills me. <br />
<br />
I realized that I've been putting off posting my photos until I can sort through them on a new, better computer I was hoping to have had by now. However, my 2005 Dell that doesn't recognize Word documents and says "YY23E21" instead of "My Computer" has to stick around for awhile. So I'm going to have to get over it and just go through my photos.<br />
<br />
And last, though it pains me to say so, I think I am going to concede on Goal 1:: Start teaching. I did some work talking to other music teachers about books and what things work for them, but I'm afraid that it just comes down to enough hours in the day. This is something I'd really like to do, but I think it's going to have to be something for a future year. <br />
<br />
So that's where I'm at.<br />
<br />
Thanks for sticking with is this long. </div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You're support is appreciated!</div>Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-63942895043557845292010-12-14T22:54:00.003-07:002010-12-15T00:00:26.775-07:00Mansfield Park- an Incestuous Tail of Impropriety, and What Sarah Learned from It.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TQhUZCWBcKI/AAAAAAAAAJw/MCC6m-XG7PA/s1600/girl+reading.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TQhUZCWBcKI/AAAAAAAAAJw/MCC6m-XG7PA/s400/girl+reading.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
We start with the sweet, humble, and good Fanny Price. Her wealthy uncle, Sir Thomas, brings her to Mansfield Park at a young age, in hopes of avoiding an unfortunate love match between Fanny and his own sons-- should they meet later on in their older, more attractive, and passionate years of the mid-twenties. The idea is that they will grow up as brothers and sister and, therefore, never consider one another as a love match. I'm sure you already know where this is going.<br />
<br />
Sir Thomas is married to Lady Bertram, a rather lackadaisical woman with good intentions but very low motivation. They have four children- Tom the playboy; Maria the diabolically flirtatious, easily bored trollop; Julia the immature, overly excited sidekick; and Edmund the righteous, moral, soon-to-be-clergyman. As they grow together, Maria and Julia torment Fanny, Tom stresses her out with his unscrupulous behavior, and that leaves Edmund. Fanny finds solace in their mirrored values and he takes her under his attendant wing from an early age. <br />
<br />
Sir Thomas ends up having to leave the Park for an extended amount time to see to some business in Antigua. Enter the Crawfords. Henry and Mary Crawford are the siblings of the local clergyman's sister. Earlier I described Maria as "diabolical" but, compared to these two, that's a bit unfair. Perhaps I should just say she's bored and kind of bitchy. Henry is rather short and really quite ugly. All he has to rely on is his charming personality. And, to compensate for everything he's lacking, he makes women fall in love with him for sport. Despite Maria's engagement to a rich oaf, Henry takes her on as any good sportsman takes on a challenging prey, And all the while, he leads Julia on by both insulting and complimenting her enough to make her irreversibly devoted to him. The beautiful Mary Crawford decides to sink her teeth into Edmund (because he's seemingly rich and handsome). But when she hears of his plans for the cloth, she immediately begins to belittle him in hopes of guiding him in a more profitable direction. <br />
<br />
Eventually they all make some bad choices- they put on a play (apparently an immoral thing to do back in the day), Edmund falls in love with Mary, Fanny gets jealous but she hardly ever speaks so he has no idea, Henry breaks Julia's heart, Maria gets married to said rich oaf, Henry falls in love with Fanny but has an affair with Maria leading to her divorce, Edmund is still in love with Mary, Tom falls and hits his head in a drunken stupor- this inexplicably leads to a fever and a near death experience, and Julia runs off with the guy who suggested the horrifying play 200 pages earlier. Eventually Edmund realizes Mary is a waste of time and a horrible human being in general. He finally decides that he's totally in love with Fanny because she's lovely and good and everything Mary is not. And the two cousins who grew up together as brother and sister lived happily ever after.<br />
<br />
Incestuous, right?<br />
<br />
Okay, so now you're up to speed on what took me about 10 times as long to get through. But what is Jane Austen's point in all this? Is she really into "keeping it in the family?" Does she have a thing against beautiful girls? Or perhaps she was feeling especially dramatic and bitter at this point her life and wanted to write about rich people mucking up their boring, spoiled lives. <br />
<br />
All of those things could very well be true. However, without having to make rather large inferences about Jane's personal history, we know that virtue is a big theme in this book. Good morals are rewarded, while those without seem to get their comeuppance. Fanny is constantly attempting to find the correct reaction to situations. She has to walk the fine line of knowing her place and standing by what she knows to be right. When the idea of putting on a private play at Mansfield comes up, she is desperately against it. But, knowing no one will listen to her opinion on the matter, she lets them do as they will. However, when asked to participate, she staunchly refuses, despite seeing Edmund and Mary growing closer during every rehearsal. Her internal dialogue is a constant debate of what she <i>ought</i> to do. <br />
<br />
I've been feeling like this a lot lately. An unwritten goal of mine has been to be more intentional in my relationships. The further in I get, the more I find myself constantly searching for the "appropriate." What should I say, what choice is best, and how can I impact this situation to the betterment of both people involved. That kind of inner dialogue presents a constant dilemma- when does an intentional relationship become simply a checklist of do's and don'ts? Always trying to do the "right thing" often leaves me feeling non-present and detached, clinical even. And, in a frightening revelation, that's kind of comfortable to me. If I always fly above the relationship/friendship/dating weather, I'm really not in danger of feeling any sort of disappointment, rejection, or [insert negative feeling here].<br />
<br />
This is not to say I don't get attached to my relationships, or that I don't care about the people in my life. Because I do- sometimes to a fault. And it is because of that I always want to "do right by them." It all comes back to my constant inner struggle to be real and open and vulnerable, but also mature, responsible and "virtuous" (if I may use an Austen term). <br />
<br />
Honestly, I didn't like Mansfield Park much. And if I handed in this "analysis" to an English professor, they'd hand it right back to me and say I'd missed the boat. But it's not about that. It's about these weird, unrelated-to-the-plot messages I get from Miss Austen as I read her stories. I sat down to talk about the dangers of making bad choices out of boredom, and ended up with this recently unearthed truth: that I still really struggle with being intentional with people and what it means to truly invest and be present in relationships.<br />
<br />
So cheers to Jane for keeping my eyes set on living a well-balanced life. And here's to not flying above or below any sort of relationship, but right through the crux of it. If you have any thoughts on how you live intentional lives with intentional relationships, I'd love to hear about them in the comments section!Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-39690271898037918972010-12-06T22:21:00.000-07:002010-12-06T22:21:02.201-07:00Sarah's Feeling Prodigal<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TP3DwbXGo8I/AAAAAAAAAJs/qTqzKCPDPPY/s1600/bridgestory.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TP3DwbXGo8I/AAAAAAAAAJs/qTqzKCPDPPY/s400/bridgestory.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
Oh well <i>hey</i> there! It has been a shameful amount of time since I've written. And would you like to know why I've been so absent? I<i>'m tired of this intentional living situation.</i> I know, you're not supposed to say things like that out loud. But I am. I'll be honest with you all, I'm tired. Tired of looking at my list of goals and knowing that most of them are not attainable by the end of our time here at Shake the Dust. Tired of constantly feeling guilty about what I'm avoiding. And tired of knowing people are reading this and seeing my shortcomings in real time.<br />
<br />
The last couple months have been a jaunt into the realm of selfishness. And trying to live an examined and intentional life hasn't exactly gelled well with that mind set. I'm having a hard time finding that zeal I began this journey with. Moving to Portland was such a huge soul searching event on its own. When I'm not dealing with homesickness, missing friends desperately, or trying to assimilate into this new city, I rarely want to delve deeper into more self examination. During that time, I mostly want to have fun.<br />
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And on that note, my final excuse is that I've had copious amounts of friends in town for the last three weeks. Good friends are wonderful distractions. I have no regrets.<br />
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But now is not the time for excuses. Now is the time to focus on living a good story again. My story currently is getting a little stale and I for one wouldn't want to read about myself. So, dear readers, let's renew our vows, shall we? I promise to do my best in attaining my goals and living a story worth talking and reading about. I promise to respect this chance I've been given by filling it with all the meaningful experiences I can. And I promise to remember and appreciate all the magic wrapped up in this inexplicable thing called life. All I need is for you to promise to keep reading, to send me your thoughts and quips from time to time, and to not judge me too harshly when I get to the end of this and have to reconcile all that I did not accomplish. Because I have a feeling that no matter what gets checked off the list, I'll come out the other side with a richer and deeper story that may even be worth sharing.Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-32542572842315377732010-11-28T17:12:00.000-07:002010-11-28T17:12:57.537-07:00You're in 'the middle', Genevieve<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TPLvJpGLseI/AAAAAAAAAJo/8To4GAZ2E8E/s1600/rut.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TPLvJpGLseI/AAAAAAAAAJo/8To4GAZ2E8E/s1600/rut.jpg" /></a></div>Probably one of the greatest things about setting out on new adventures and aspirations is the newness of it all, the excitement on embarking towards something unknown... and then the thrill eventually wears off. You get stuck in the actual work and methodical, tedious tendencies of achieving those new goals. I'd have to say I'm there right now and have been there for a bit. It has its ups and downs, but overall it can be overwhelming.<br />
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Sarah and I were discussing this a few weeks back and I distinctly remember her saying, that us as a generation are so used to instant gratification that sometimes we forget how to actually fight for what we dream to be. It's so true. You want the fame, the success, the relief of having a finished product in front of you, but the work that it takes to get there, in reality, is daunting.<br />
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One of my favorite entrepreneurs once said, "If something comes easily and without sacrifice, it's rarely significant."<br />
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So here's to being caught in 'the middle' as Sarah phrased it. It's not at all glamorous, but it's necessary to get to where we all aspire to be. <br />
<br />
Here are some updates on my goals... since everything doesn't make itself in a day...<br />
<i><b>Personal Goals:</b></i><br />
<b>1. </b><b>Submitting a piece to Relevant Magazine:</b> To be honest, I had kind of forgotten about this one and then suddenly became pretty inspired to write a few weeks back. What developed was an article on the power of forgiveness. I just submitted this a few nights back and am waiting to hear back. I won't be crushed if it doesn't make it on to their online magazine. And if it doesn't, I'll still post it on here to gain feedback and maybe aspire towards another article or CD review.<br />
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<b>2. </b><b>Being a good owner to Mr. Keith Moon:</b> I've started dog training with him over the past few months, and let's just say, it hasn't been easy. We're on to group classes and I'm sort of nervous, because he's definitely got an aggression problem.<br />
<br />
<b>3. </b><b>Going to Australia:</b> I'm half way there as far as money saved!<br />
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<i><b>Church/Spiritual Goals:</b></i><br />
<b>1. </b><b>Being heartfelt and genuine in my role as a worship leader:</b> We have an all night of worship with my church coming at the end of January. I'm excited to be in on the planning of it and participating in such a great experience.<br />
<br />
<b>2. Participating in more community service events and creating a bigger presence of giving in my life: </b>I've started going to a Bible study every Tuesday night with my church and am loving it! The great thing about this group is that we make it a point to help in our community once a month. This month we're going to help with a Christmas party for Save Our Youth and have fun with under privileged kids:)<br />
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<i><b>Musical Goals:</b></i><br />
<b>1. Playing/performing more</b>: My wonderful friend, Ms. Leslie Brown, is having her CD release in January. I'm jumping on board as one of her back up singers and am loving this opportunity:)<br />
<br />
<b>2. Recording an EP:</b> I finished 5 songs and am finalizing everything creatively in that realm.<br />
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<i><b>Career Goals:</b></i><br />
<b>1. Pushing myself at my current job:</b> I've been taking on more responsibility, am booking more shows, learning about budgets and have put in a proposal for them to pay my way to go to SXSW. Cross your fingers for this one!<br />
<br />
<i><b>Entrepreneurial Goals:</b></i><br />
<b>1. Making Hear Us Loud happen:</b> I'm currently in the process of registering everything as a sole proprietorship and getting design ideas finalized in order to print in three weeks:)Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-4284388079598890292010-11-20T19:15:00.000-07:002010-11-20T19:15:30.790-07:00Jackie - I'm living alone!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TOiAQAbtHxI/AAAAAAAAAJk/Qw1hyupXeaw/s1600/hpotts+7+part+1+costumes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TOiAQAbtHxI/AAAAAAAAAJk/Qw1hyupXeaw/s320/hpotts+7+part+1+costumes.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> [Note: This photo has nothing to do with my blog post, it's simply to show off Sarah and I's costumes for the midnight showing of the new Harry Potter movie. Amazing, right?]</div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I've written this post three times now. The first one was right after I moved across the hall and it was raving about how living alone is the only way to go. I had tons of motivation, I was being creative and getting lots of things done. I even picked a photo from <i>Home Alone </i>of Macaulay Culkin jumping on his parents bed saying, "I'm loving alone!" <br />
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The second time was couple weeks later after I came down with a stomach bug. I was alone and completely bored without a tv or Internet to entertain me, and I was missing my mom and Sarah who always take good care of me when I've been sick. I also learned that it's important as a single person to always have ginger ale around because I was in no shape to go get some when I needed it most. <br />
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Now it's been about six weeks and I think I've settled into a groove about what living alone looks like. <br />
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I'll start by saying, I think it was a great choice for me right now. It's nice to come home and be with just me. I've never been the introverted type, but I feel like I'm in the middle of one of those seasons that brings change and growth and all this alone-ness is giving me the opportunity to invest in what that looks like. <br />
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However [and that's a big however], I also find that living alone means a lot of accountability to myself. If I waste an entire evening [or week of evenings] lying on my couch doing absolutely nothing no one knows or even notices... just me. If I don't eat good meals and eat ice cream for breakfast no one knows... just me. If I live like a slob or don't wash the dishes for weeks no one knows... just me. <br />
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Maybe I'm late to the game, but I feel like all this living alone stuff is an entirely new way of experiencing all this deciding what my life should look like and what is worth the investment of my time. <br />
<br />
Anyway, since this blog is about goals, I thought I'd update you on my financial goal. As of today, I only owe $1772.27 in credit card bills and $300 to my dad for my car. And I'm feeling pretty good about it since I started the blog with $3,300 of credit card debt, $1,100 of medical bills and a $700 debt to my dad. For us math nerds that means I've put $3,027.73 toward becoming debt free in the last 7 months! <br />
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My progress on this is probably going to slow down because I lost my second job a couple weeks ago [which I'm not entirely upset about since it was really stressing me out], but I still have hope I can get it all paid off by the end of 12 months.<br />
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I have other things to update on, but since I'm trying to get in 52 posts and I'm grossly behind, I'll save them for next time. Until then...</div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </div>Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-20628019547191729862010-10-29T12:56:00.000-06:002010-10-29T12:56:10.836-06:00Go to Portland, Genevieve!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TMsYq-FWCbI/AAAAAAAAAJg/Jkfgm8DM0gs/s1600/Portland.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TMsYq-FWCbI/AAAAAAAAAJg/Jkfgm8DM0gs/s320/Portland.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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Some goals, I must say, are easier than others... like my traveling goals. I mean, I guess you do have to save the money to get there, but once you go, you can check it off your list. It's not a 100 step process that you're committed to for the long haul.<br />
<br />
So here I am in Portland! I've been waiting to visit this mysterious, hip, trendy spot for a few years now. I've always been told that I would love this city, so when Sarah decided to move out here in July it was all the more reason to discover it:) It's kind of cloudy, with a bit of rain on the pavement this morning and I'm so excited to see what the rest of this weekend will hold. We have fun Friday night plans, Halloween parties tomorrow and a day in Seattle in Sunday. Ooohh the possibilities:)<br />
<br />
Oh and don't forget it has been wonderful to be reunited with the BFF after 3 months. There's something to say about a person that you've know for 12 years, that has seen you live and grow through the ups and the downs, can read your mind before you even say anything and will still do the cast and reel with you in a crowd of dancing hipsters. I <3 you, Sarah:)<br />
<br />
Now off to the adventures!Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-27484210245010475132010-10-20T20:03:00.001-06:002010-10-20T20:06:03.663-06:00What's Wrong with Sarah<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i557.photobucket.com/albums/ss16/svanwyke22/writers-block.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://i557.photobucket.com/albums/ss16/svanwyke22/writers-block.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
What is wrong with me?<br />
<br />
There are many answers to that question but they all differ according to the context of what is being asked. In this particular instance, I am alluding to the fact that no matter what I do, I get no thrill from writing anymore. I'm sure you've notice my prolonged absences from the blog. But I've also been neglecting my personal blog, my journal, and the fiction pieces I've had hanging over my head for the past two years.<br />
<br />
It's like the minute the thought "I ought to sit down a write something" comes into my head, this switch flips. It literally feels like a steel barricade comes slamming down, separating my creative juices from whatever receptors send them to my typing fingers. <br />
<br />
The mere thought of writing used to get me so jazzed. I used to go to Stellas at 6 am on Saturdays with my friend AJ and we would write for hours, except that it generally felt like no time at all. I'd get so wrapped up in my characters, what they were doing and where <i>they</i> were leading <i>me</i>. The pure adventure of it was enough to get me up that early on my precious weekends. But now I have this steel barricade. And this complete apathy towards writing. But the more I remind myself of things like this last paragraph, the more I want to delve back into my practice. <br />
<br />
I've moved, I've settled, and now I'm just wasting time. I don't have any real excuses to hide behind other than, "I don't know what's wrong with me." But the idea of just getting over it and writing through that barricade makes it seal itself even tighter.<br />
<br />
Two of my goals are to finish a piece I've been working on and to publish something. I have until March. And really, I could probably man up and finish one of the stories I've been working on. The publishing thing has got me a little weak at the knees though.<br />
<br />
I haven't asked our readers for much help throughout this process, and maybe I should've a while ago. But I'm asking for it now. I'm probably going to need to some encouragement, inquires, and thoughts on how the heck I'm going to pull this publishing thing off. <br />
<br />
And I have some questions for you all: Have any of you felt this way about something you loved? It doesn't have to be writing, it could be anything you were/are passionate about. Are you still struggling (maybe we could commiserate) or did you come out the other side? I could use thoughts, tips, advice, anything really to get me out of this slump.Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-55449179062259293622010-10-15T12:21:00.000-06:002010-10-15T12:21:10.010-06:00Failure is OK, Genevieve.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TLibMoRlbSI/AAAAAAAAAJU/_NGVZBQqu0o/s1600/free-fall-300x300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TLibMoRlbSI/AAAAAAAAAJU/_NGVZBQqu0o/s1600/free-fall-300x300.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><br />
Well, October has been going at full speed and I've barely had enough time to catch my breath. Everything from life changing concerts to new friends to giggling when I shook Collin Hay's hand to dog training to writing/recording music to finding the perfect dress for $8 to booking some great bands to weddings to supporting my family in some recent hard times to just. LIVING. life.<br />
<br />
I'm actually quite proud of myself. I'm not slacking. I'm not sitting back and wistfully hoping for change or for my goals to accomplish themselves. I'm out there putting myself on the line and I've realized that even if some of these things don't ever come to fruition, that's OK. <br />
<br />
My mom recently asked me if I had ever watched JK Rowling's commencement speech she gave to Harvard graduates a few years back. I hadn't, so on her suggestion I sat down one evening to see what she was raving about. The speech was well... a swift punch to the gut... BUT in the best way possible. JK Rowling talks about how stepping out on a ledge and taking risk, with the potential of failure, is the better than sitting in a defined box and thinking there will be progress. Sometimes it takes frightfully big steps outside of your comfort zone to realize your true potential. And sometimes in that, you fall flat on your face. But you know what? I'd much rather die knowing that I gave my all to my passions than wondering, "What if?"<br />
<br />
So, below I've attached the link to JK Rowling's speech. I hope you take the time to watch it and maybe embark on some potentially life changing failures. <br />
<br />
<br />
http://www.ted.com/talks/jk_rowling_the_fringe_benefits_of_failure.htmlShake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-58219527307838932932010-10-06T12:14:00.003-06:002010-10-06T12:59:49.646-06:00Jackie - It's All Up to the Man Now<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TKy8Rzu4pUI/AAAAAAAAAJQ/PVpSPopE4Zc/s1600/professor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TKy8Rzu4pUI/AAAAAAAAAJQ/PVpSPopE4Zc/s320/professor.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Here's the deal. When you've been in college as long as I have, the Financial Aid people don't like it. In fact, they try really hard to make sure you aren't in college as long as I have been -- and generally, with good reason. However, I am still in school -- with my own good reasons.<br />
<br />
I knew I was approaching the credit limit for financial aid assistance and had some plans in place for when it was going to run out. I thought everything was hunky dory for this semester when the school computer systems said my financial aid was planned to come through just like normal. I even got a postcard in the mail telling me that everything was in order.<br />
<br />
But then it didn't come through and when I contacted them to find out I'm on financial aid suspension. You're shocked, right? Me too. I get good grades and I haven't reached the limit [thought I'm on the brink], so I was completely blindsided by this news. Turns out, they won't let you go over the limit, which is why I was put on suspension [without warning] now. The very friendly person answering my emails told me I can fill out a Satisfactory Academic Progress Appeal in hopes they will change their mind in my case and continue my aid. I filled out the form, wrote a personal statement and had to meet with my academic adviser. She's a rather busy person, so we had a brief email conversation about what was going on and I dropped off the form for her to fill out. That set got lost and I ended up dropping off another set a few days later. When I went to pick those up, they had been filled out wrong. After a third, successful, attempt, I walked all my forms down to the Financial Aid office yesterday and turned everything in.<br />
<br />
I'm asking for prayers, thoughts or good juju -- whatever it is you go for -- in the direction of the person reviewing my case, because it's all up to the man [or woman], now. And I literally see someone at an old desk examining every word I wrote to determine of I'm worthy. ... Wow, I shouldn't think about that anymore. It's a little overwhelming. But on the brighter side, this person can both approve for me to get my financial aid this semester and can increase the credit limit to include the rest of my schooling education, if they see see fit. <br />
<br />
Now, if they don't my financial goals are pretty much out the air because I'll have to come up with $4,000 in the next 9 weeks or I won't be able to continue my education. But right now, I have high hopes.<br />
<br />
In case you're interested, I included my personal statement in the comments section if you've ever wondered for yourself what the heck I'm doing with my life. <br />
<br />
Oh... and did I mention my check engine light turned on last week?</div>Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-8895765217168686822010-09-21T17:12:00.001-06:002010-09-21T17:27:35.077-06:00Sarah and the Art of Shameless Eating<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TJk5i_-TbXI/AAAAAAAAAJI/rpRDlA-K2pM/s1600/perfect.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="270" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TJk5i_-TbXI/AAAAAAAAAJI/rpRDlA-K2pM/s400/perfect.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">One goal I've been really avoiding is the first on my list- weight loss. I've avoided writing about it and avoided it physically. Mentally it's been quite pervasive. Really I haven't written about it because, unless your succeeding, it's rather embarrassing to talk about. So far I've defined this goal in two different ways: to lose as much as possible and to lose 10 pounds by the time I got to Portland. Neither of these has exactly been accomplished. But, like I said, I have been <i>thinking </i>a lot about this goal, which is the first step to integrating it physically... right? But I should explain what exactly I've been thinking about.</span></div><div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 19.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I've been thinking- I kind of like myself, you know, just the way I am. It's odd to say that out loud, or rather, type it determinedly. When I set that goal, all I felt was guilt. Guilt that I ran two miles instead of three. Guilt that I ate more than I should have. Guilt that I wasn't fitting into an unrealistic size or image I had set for myself. But now I have this new found reverence for my body- the way it heals itself, the way it knows just what i needs to be at its best. I'm learning to listen to it and take queues from within myself to know what the true meaning of "healthy" is. </span></div><div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 19.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Since moving to Portland I've had a flux of emotions over the issue. There are a lot of healthy people here. And I mean, <i>a lot</i>. And that can be intimidating and sometimes soul crushing. There are also a lot of really really <i>really </i>good places to eat. And that can be hard to avoid or deny. And to round it out, generally the people around this town are happy- they walk around with this glowing contentedness. And I've been thinking a lot about what makes someone happy and healthy. Is it a number? Is it a notch on your belt? Or is it found in an ice cream carton? Really, it's found in none of these. It's from a sense of enjoyment and a fulfilling life. And I'm sorry, but if I'm killing myself over a number on a scale, forcing myself to run so far I throw up, I am <i>not</i> enjoying myself. Just like I'm not feeling fulfilled after I eat a bunch of junk filled with sugar, chemicals and preservatives. It's a balance found between being able to enjoy really good food living a life not defined by what I ingest.</span></div><div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 19.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">A dear friend was in town the past week and it was then I started to really consider my relationship with food and my body's health. We ate. Oh how we ate. But generally the center of those meals wasn't the food. Everywhere we went was delicious, don't get me wrong, but the main object of those meals, seated across from each other, forks in hand, was conversation, bonding and creating a moment in time that could be remembered. Remembered for the relationship being cultivated as well as the wonderfully crafted and delicious items going into our mouths. Had I been worried about calories or whether or not I'd be able to work that brie and toast off the next day, I would have missed out on some really beautiful moments we had together. One of my favorite moments was at a French bakery. When our server asked if I'd like the wheat toast or the butter croissant with my eggs, we both looked at each other- the server and I- as if to say, "Is that even a question? Of course I'll have the butter croissant. And the dark chocolate mousse to follow. And a mimosa while you're at it." Being at that patisserie has got to be one of my best memories with my friend. We drank our mimosas, ate our croissants and cake and deliciously hand crafted egg dishes and then toasted to the best cup of americanos we'd ever had (and yes, we used <i>real </i> cream and <i>real </i>sugar). And in the middle, we talked about our futures and what scared us, laughed about shared secrets only true friendships breed, and grew closer than ever. <i>That</i> is what makes a meal. Calories be damned, I regret nothing.</span></div><div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 19.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">But let's not forget the "healthy" part of the equation. In a real world we can't all go around eating butter croissants, justifying them because we had a good time doing it. No no, my arteries would not appreciate that. If I'm going to indulge, I'll indulge- and that's the fact of the matter. But it's not going to be on a bag of generic brand chocolate chips or a carton of cheap ice cream. It's going to be on the good stuff- made of pure ingredients and put together in an artful and deliberate way. And yes, those things are usually expensive, which means it probably won't happen that often. But when it does, oooh mamma, I won't be holding back. Because, as it turns out, Weight Watchers was wrong- LOTS of things taste better than skinny feels. (And shame on them for creating such a damaging and limiting mantra).</span></div><div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 19.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Exercise is something to be considered as well, of course. And that too should be as good for the soul as it is for the body. I love yoga. I really really do. I think it's worth the investment because it is so wholesome for your body and heart. I have never felt like I did when I was going to yoga three or four times a week. I plan on getting back into that. I may be done running for a while. I only did it because it was the fastest way to my weight-loss goals. But, generally, I hated ever mile of it. I'm determined to exercise in ways that make me happy. Because, seriously, what's the point otherwise? I bought a Groupon for a pilates-yoga-arobic studio that I'll be checking out soon. After I've used that up I'll be taking ballroom dancing lessons! It may not be the high-impact, get-thin-quick route to go, but I can pretty much guarantee I'll be enjoying myself.</span></div><div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 19.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">So, basically I've decided to not drive myself crazy with this weight thing. Is there a bit more of me then there used be? Well yes, but I'd like to believe a little more Sarah Van Wyke in the world isn't such a bad thing. Does that mean I have an ass, curves and a bit of a belly? Well, it's still a little embarrassing to say so, but yes. Yes I do. And instead of longing for the days when everything will lie flat like the body of a jr. high boy, I'll just use what I've got- love on it, embrace it, and flaunt it in the most flattering and classy ways.</span></div><div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 19.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I'll leave you with a quote by Elizabeth Gilbert from Eat Pray Love. I feel like it applies to my own adventure here in the Pacific Northwest. Just replace "Italy" with "Portland" and you've got what I'm trying to say in a nutshell.</span></div><div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 19.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">"I did not know yet what I deserved. I still maybe don't fully know what I deserve. But I do know that I have collected myself of late- through the enjoyment of harmless pleasure- into somebody much more intact. The easiest, most fundamentally human ways to say it is that <i>I have put on weight.</i> I exist more now than I did four months ago. I will leave Italy noticeably bigger than when I arrived here. And leave with the hope that the expansion of one person- the magnification of one life- is indeed an act of worth in this world. Even if that life, just this one time, happens to be nobody's but my own.</span></div>Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5890991515337909019.post-91297468532269023962010-09-16T17:26:00.000-06:002010-09-16T17:26:27.076-06:00Jackie - Silent September<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TJKnWTsiE5I/AAAAAAAAAJA/RLP8Z-P8xwI/s1600/shhhh.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_T5U-YRj4BtU/TJKnWTsiE5I/AAAAAAAAAJA/RLP8Z-P8xwI/s400/shhhh.png" width="400" /></a></div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I decided to try somewhat of an experiment this month. I called it: Silent September. <br />
<br />
Here's what it entails: no tv and no music... ok, some music, but only classical, ambient and music I'm working on for school.<br />
<br />
The idea was tri-fold. [Is that how you say two-fold +1?]<br />
<br />
First, I finally got a schedule worked out... you know, that one I was talking about where I wasn't scheduled for 12 hours a day in hopes of engaging the things I actually want to make my life about? That whole scheduling issue at school threw a little wrench in things, but I have a schedule with considerably more wiggle room than I've had in the last year and I don't want to get in the habit of wasting this extra time watching tv... which is really, really tempting. [As a side note, I'm so glad they cut the school's budget, raised tuition and spent millions of dollars on a new registration system that is horrible and does things like arbitrarily change course information to list it at the wrong time.] <br />
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Second, I've had a lot of stuff happen in the past few months. A lot. And most of it pretty craptastic. And at the same time, I've bee so go-go-go that my thinking and processing have gotten back logged. And this back-log is causing stress and anxiety like I've never had before. [I apologize to any one with anxiety that I've ever misunderstood -- this is horrible.] That was the main cause of the no music rule. What it really means is that I'm taking all the time I spend in the car and instead of passing the time, letting the tunes entertain me, I'm engaging the time to let my mind sort some stuff out. <br />
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Third, I am attempting to exercise more and tv tends to get in the way. That's all I'll say about that at the moment.<br />
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Oh, and side reason... Donald Miller gave up tv, so I figured... erm... I should stop here before I say something embarrassing.<br />
<br />
So far it's been amazing! I've taken to working on one project per evening when I'm at home instead of watching tv. I'm caught up on my school reading [which is a lifetime first], I fixed an antique dresser, I have done a ton of cleaning up and cleaning out, AND I finally started going through my box [+ bag + pile] of papers and other things I've never known what to do with. That's right, turning off the tv has helped me attempt Goal 9:: Clean out my box. And my car time has definitely become good thinkin' time<br />
<br />
But don't be misinformed and think I've been perfect. I definitely finished Season 3 of "30 Rock" and watched the first disc of "My So Called Life." But I have also been housesitting for my aunt with a super big tv and a million channels and I'm proud to say I haven't turned it on once. <br />
<br />
Also... in other news.<br />
Finances: I think I've taken a major, huge, catastrphic set-back because I'm having trouble with my financial aid at school. I'll update on this when I know more. </div><div style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
52 Posts: There are 52 weeks in a year and I committed to posting every week. We're half way through and it turns out I missed a few weeks. Don't be surprised if you hear from me a couple extra times this half of the year as I'm determined to have 52 things to post about.<br />
<br />
Until next week...</div>Shake the Dusthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07490005813416500109noreply@blogger.com2