Monday, December 6, 2010

Sarah's Feeling Prodigal

Oh well hey there!  It has been a shameful amount of time since I've written.  And would you like to know why I've been so absent?  I'm tired of this intentional living situation.  I know, you're not supposed to say things like that out loud. But I am.  I'll be honest with you all, I'm tired.  Tired of looking at my list of goals and knowing that most of them are not attainable by the end of our time here at Shake the Dust.  Tired of constantly feeling guilty about what I'm avoiding.  And tired of knowing people are reading this and seeing my shortcomings in real time.

The last couple months have been a jaunt into the realm of selfishness.  And trying to live an examined and intentional life hasn't exactly gelled well with that mind set.  I'm having a hard time finding that zeal I began this journey with.  Moving to Portland was such a huge soul searching event on its own.  When I'm not dealing with homesickness, missing friends desperately, or trying to assimilate into this new city, I rarely want to delve deeper into more self examination.  During that time, I mostly want to have fun.

And on that note, my final excuse is that I've had copious amounts of friends in town for the last three weeks.  Good friends are wonderful distractions.   I have no regrets.

But now is not the time for excuses.  Now is the time to focus on living a good story again.  My story currently is getting a little stale and I for one wouldn't want to read about myself.  So, dear readers, let's renew our vows, shall we?  I promise to do my best in attaining my goals and living a story worth talking and reading about.  I promise to respect this chance I've been given by filling it with all the meaningful experiences I can.  And I promise to remember and appreciate all the magic wrapped up in this inexplicable thing called life.  All I need is for you to promise to keep reading, to send me your thoughts and quips from time to time, and to not judge me too harshly when I get to the end of this and have to reconcile all that I did not accomplish.  Because I have a feeling that no matter what gets checked off the list, I'll come out the other side with a richer and deeper story that may even be worth sharing.

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