Let's Take Some Creative Control, Genevieve

I've been at my current job for almost a year now, which is crazy to write. I started everything with no clue on how long I wanted to stay or what I was going to gain from it. I only had the idea that this would be a great starting point and ultimately a stepping stone in my music business career. But 11 months later and with about 200 shows under my belt, I'm just now starting to realize my potential.

The first few months of a job, obviously, is a learning curve of trying to understand the process thoroughly and proving yourself to your new surroundings. It took me a good six months to have everything down to the point that I could do it with my eyes closed. And then the summer hit with in-house shows, a summer concert series at the Botanic Gardens and music festivals galore. It was full of 15 hour days, lots of lifting and crazy artists. But I must say it was a great learning experience and I've confirmed the fact that I never want to be in the production side of the industry full time. A bit of it here and there will suffice.

Now we've hit the lull of fall and I am finally beginning to catch my breath. I'm discovering some creative aspects to my job that I never had the chance to before and am loving it. As I stated for goal #1 under my career goals, "I want to be an irreplaceable asset for my company, not a commodity. And ultimately learn deeper facets of the industry." I've been learning that I need to not only be in charge of events and organizing them, but creating them and running with the marketing side of my brain as well. I'm booking a new series of shows in our cafe and feel inspired to present artists that I'm passionate about and that I know the Denver music scene needs to hear more of. I am making something of my own and taking responsibility for it. It's all so refreshing. There were so many times within the past year that I almost threw in the towel, but I'm glad I didn't. I think this is where I was supposed to end up. I have this assurance I'm heading towards exciting new horizons.

You Should Have Some Fun and Spend Some Money, Genevieve

Well, well, well, what do you know. I'm actually holding true to my word of posting regularly again:) I decided to make this a focus for me and am now riding my 1 speed around the corner to a cute little neighborhood coffee shop every Friday morning and blogging. I'm so hip. I'm so trendy. Not really. At all.

After a pretty emotional past three weeks, I've finally gained a sense of reassurance. I'm not saying I have it all figured out or that every day is perfectly happy all the time, but I think that I'm coming out on the other side (famous last words). Every morning I wake up, I feel aware and raw, but stronger, and that's an eye opening realization for me. And then it hit me a few days back... I need to get out there! I need to have fun! And this subsequently led to me buying a lot of things and I will continue that streak today (with my mother's credit card not mine;)

So here is a list of things I've bought in the last week::
1. A ticket to dance the night away with the Local Natives, September 28th at The Fox.
2. Two tickets for a roomie date night on October 2nd to Jimmy Eat World.
3. 5 cups of iced coffee
4. Tickets to watch a newly aquired musical favorite of mine, Foals, October 12th at The Larimer.
5. Tickets for Apples In Stereo, October 22nd, which happens to be the day after my birthday, SO if you're a friend of mine and you're reading this, you better buy yourself a ticket and help me fill the Bluebird with my favorite people to celebrate my 24th year of life (bleeehhhh, I'm getting old).
6. A PLANE TICKET TO PORTLAND (this fulfills #3 under my personal goals) - Sarah and I will be buying big hats and rampaging the city for Halloween. Costume ideas??
7. A new haircut, complete with dark red color and blunt cut bangs. Shazam.
8. A new business casual wardrobe - My mother and I are hitting the mall this afternoon and I have a serious plan of attack.

And there you have it... I'm slowly getting back into the groove of life. Come join me:)

Genevieve, You Need To Focus On You

Heeey, remember a good two months ago when I promised I'd start posting regularly again? Weeeell, that obviously hasn't happened. BUT guess what?! I'm back.

The past few months have been a roller coaster of emotions, experiences and realizations. The final and biggest realization I've had... I need to focus on me. This summer has been an amazing learning experience on people and relationships. But what it has boiled down to is the fact, that in the midst of this hurricane of hurt, love and confusion, I am the most vital piece to keeping me in tact. No one else is in charge of that or should be in charge of that. And after watching close friends constantly being hurt and loosing others, I finally have put a stop to it.

This is Genevieve, pulling out all the stops and going into self preservation mode. I am currently reassessing my goals, because I've come to find that there is a fine line between what you aspire towards and what you think is expected of you. I want to love what I'm doing. I want nothing but passion and an unadulterated drive to get me to where I want to go and that cannot be clouded by anyone or anything.

Hang in there. I'm sensing new horizons. I feel like I'm on the verge of something because...

‎"Before the beginning of great brilliance there must be chaos"

 

 

Why Don't You Take A Breather, Genevieve

Well, it is officially summer folks. I'm sort of following suit to what Jackie posted last week... I've been slacking (I haven't posted in a month! eep) and I apologize, but it's all for good reason. For the past month or so I've been really focusing on friends and deepening some great relationships I have. And as Jackie mentioned, Sarah is about to head out for the adventure of her life and we're trying to give her a good send off! On top of that, I flew out to Los Angeles this last weekend for some amazing R&R with two fantastic friends out there. And two other life long friends are flying to Denver for some vacation for the next week or so, so of course I'll be running around with them. I promise to get back on the regular posts this upcoming week and not leave you all hanging!

Here is an update on my goals and what they look like at the moment::
Genevieve's 2010 Goals

Personal Goals

1. Exercise on a semi-regular basis.

- Some options may include...

- Running 2 times a week - Have NOT been doing this

- Taking Mr. Keith Moon for walks - Keith actually has to loose 4 lbs., vets orders, haha

- Biking - I got a bike and am loving it!

2. Get published in Relevant Magazine for a CD review.

- I have to admit, I sort of forgot about this one...

3. Travel to the Pacific Northwest

- Since Sarah will be there now to stay with! I am looking into dates in late September:)

4. Go to Australia

- When my best friend & travel buddy, Steph, comes into town next week, we are going to buy our tickets!

5. Be a good owner to Mr. Keith Moon

- I am slowly adding more dates to my calendar to have him at my apartment, we took him for his yearly check up last month and am looking forward to his birthday in August:)

Church/Spiritual Goals

1. Lead worship reflective of God's heart

- I was able to gain reflection and inspiration at my home church, Rock Harbor, out in LA last week. I'm also planning a worship night within the next few months.

2. Participate in local community outreach and serve more williningly.

- July is missions month at Scum of the Earth, what perfect timing.

3. Learn, grow and love in my personal relationships and friendships.

- This has ended up being a HUGE focus of my life within the past month and a half and I have grown leaps and bounds in my personal relationships.

Musical Goals

1. Play our first show :) and hopefully have many to follow!

- This one looks a little different, but I'm working on it... kind of top secret at the moment;)

2. Record an EP

- I am saving money and writing songs...

Educational Goals

1. Apply to grad school

- The application process has started! I've picked 7 schools to apply to and am slowly working on the pieces to fit together the puzzle.

Career Goals

1. Push myself at my current job and ultimately learn deeper facets of the industry.

- This summer has definitely been a challenge for me at work. The concert schedule has gotten ridiculously busy, but I feel as though I'm gaining irreplaceable experience.

2. Always keep my options open for networking, going on tour, working internationally or landing my dream job.
- In the works;)

Entrepreneurial Goals

1. Make Hear Us Loud! happen

- I've been threatening to start a social justice company for a while.

2. Put on benefit concerts and a few house shows.

- I have put on two benefit shows this year and am working towards the house show... if it is feasible with the residential zoning that I live in.

Mr. Keith Moon Is Your Rockstar, Genevieve

The companionship of a dog is unexplainable. I always had the same dog, Henry, growing up. He passed away my senior year of high school. It was almost perfect timing, as odd as that my sound, like the signal to a new phase of life. The house seemed a bit empty when I came home for Christmas that year, but eventually I got used to it. Ever since then I've been running around from a class to a concert to work to moving to a new apartment every year of my college career to where it really wasn't feasible to have a pet.

My parents haven't welcomed any new animals into my childhood home since I graduated high school either. They've liked their freedom from responsibility of any pets and children and have been enjoying it for the past 5 years. That's why it came as a surprise last summer when my mom offered to buy me a pug. It went a little bit like this...

My parents and I were out to dinner. My dad kept going on about how he wanted a dog and my mom kept getting annoyed, saying that if they were going to move and travel as much as they were planning to, it just wasn't smart.Then she turned to me and asked,

"Don't you want a dog, Gen?"

"Well yea," I answered, "But I can't afford one right now."

"Is that all that's holding you back?"

"Yea, probably the main reason."

"What if your father and I paid the initial expense and got you a dog?"

Of course my answer was yes! My love for pugs has dated all the way back to being 12 and planning out my life with Prince William. It involved a cottage in the English countryside and a pug named, Sir Pugsley.

After our conversation, I started looking into buying a pug and decided to adopt from the Colorado Pug Rescue. I submitted my application, but wasn't holding my breath. The website said it could take up to 6 months to find the right fit for every applicant. But low and behold, the following week I got a call. The adoption agency foster mom brought him over for a visit and I FELL IN LOVE.

Mr. Keith Moon has been a warm addition to my life for the past year now. He has cheered me up in some emotionally trying times and always makes me laugh when he starts to snore at the foot of my bed. I hope that I have brought him the same comfort and a sense of home too.

Happy One Year Anniversary Mr. Keith Moon!

Love, just love, Genevieve.

I feel as though I've said this a million times before, but people are what make me tick. I can't explain it, but there's something about the connection of one mind or heart or hand to another. And I must say that within the last few months I've really learned what it means to be intentional with the people in my life. It's been hard. I've had to realize that some relationships are not the same as they used to be, that some will remain constant and some are blossoming. It's a beautiful thing really.

A wiser, older person once told me,

"Some friends come and go, teaching you lessons along the way. 

And then there are those that grow to become family."

I've struggled with this concept in the past... since I have such an emotive connection with people, I've striven to constantly keep everyone in my life, but sometimes it isn't meant to be. Sometimes people come into your life at just the right time to show you a piece of your journey that you would have never seen before. Then they go just as quickly as they came. I used to take it personally, but it becomes exhausting and ultimately a waste of emotion. I'm now learning that the ones who truly care will stay. Their role and capacity may change, but in the end, they'll be there.

And it's truth you know

It's always the issue

And when it starts getting blurry

One's never better than two

There's a place in this world

Where people like me are found by people like you

So find a place as this forever divine

You're the best damn friend that I'll ever have

You'll always smile upon me when the season's bad

You'll always make me feel best even when I'm blue

You'll always smile upon me and I'll smile upon you too 

Let's Go Ride A Bike, Genevieve!

I'll admit, this isn't the most ground-breaking entry of my postings to this blog thus far... BUT I finally met a goal of mine and it was fun! I got a bike.

I've been pining and saving away for one for about a year now. The entirety of last summer I yearned just to be a part of Denver cruisers for a night or to breeze through the park on a sunny afternoon and now I can! My friend Shannon and I went to an expo a few weeks back and perused the racks upon racks of shiny new bikes. I rode a few through the parking lot, but knew from the moment I laid my eyes on MY bike that it was the one for me. Ever since then, I've been getting up early on mornings to slice through the fresh air in Cheeseman and am starting to commute to work via bike. Some co-workers and I are even planning to join the Wild, Wild West Denver cruisers night next week and I couldn't be more excited! I've been able to exercise and enjoy the outdoors more within the past two weeks than I have in a long time. I'm grateful to be able to embrace a healthy life style again and have fun doing it. It's been refreshing to say the least.

So here's to fun summer mornings, afternoons and evenings riding my bike! You may also submit applications to join my bike gang in the comment box below ;)

Life ain't meant to come around twice, Genevieve

Sometimes you get caught thinking about doing, but not actually acting on your thinking. That was me this week. I've been planning and taking the precursor steps to many things I want to happen this year, which is very necessary, but now the hard part comes. I have to follow through. Here's to following through::

Real By Lupe Fiasco
My man said he wanted somethin real.
Somethin he could recognize, somethin he could feel.
Baby girl said she was in the mood for somethin real.
Somethin that could make her move
Somethin she could feel.

Lust sometimes can override trust
She said that's why she gave it up
My man said blood spilled out of everything he touched
He crushed everything he crushed
Ruined everything he loved, he just wanted to rush
Blamed it on the times bein rough
Doin dirt, with the devil, chasin after the dust
Make a fuss, if it's them, but we hush, if it's us

That's why, my momma said she wanted somethin real.
Somethin she could be proud of, somethin she could feel.
She said they so used to not havin nuttin real.
That they don't know how to act
They don't know how to feel.

Life! ain't meant to come around twice
Yeah, that's why I gotta get it right
They said I got it honest now I gotta give it life
But sleep on it, that's why God give you night
I mean, I had a dream that, God gave me flight
Too fly for my own good so, God gave me plight
If I wake up in the mornin now I gotta give 'em sight
Make 'em see, break 'em free, ain't a G, sho' you right

The game is not to give 'em nuttin real.
Nothin they could use, nuttin that they could feel.
Give 'em a bunch of lies and teach 'em that it's real.
So that's all that they a-know
That's all that they a-feel.

Struggle... yeah yeah, another sign that God love you
Cause on the low, bein po', make you humble
Keep they names in my rhymes to try and keep them out of trouble
Cause bein po', also teach you how to hustle
All they want is some shoes or some rims for they bubble
Now that I got my own, I can hit them with a couple
Couple, my homies so they ain't got no reason to cuff you
That's my plan, if I can, on the man, up above you

That's why, I gotta give 'em somethin real.
Somethin they could recognize, somethin they could feel.
To my homies on the block I gotta give 'em somethin real.
Somethin that'll make 'em stop
Somethin they can feel.

Baby Steps, Genevieve, Baby Steps.

I'm probably one of the most impatient people I know. It's definitely not a quality that I pride myself in and a lot of the time it makes me anxious. Anxious that I made the right decision, anxious to know the outcome... but then I have to take a breather, give myself a pep talk and remind myself that Rome wasn't built in a day. I've been taking baby steps towards my ultimate goals and that's good. I'm learning to take joy in the process and keep it all in perspective, which sometimes is all you really can do. Here are some steps that I've currently been taking::


Church/Spiritual Goals:
2. Participate in local community outreach and serve more willingly.
*** SLOWLY but surely I'm selling the stuff I cleaned out of my closet last week. It's hard to make time to go to different consignment stores, the Good Will and start up an Ebay account for selling, but it's happening.***

***I've also been thinking that serving at The Denver Rescue Mission sometime in May would be something that could be impactful. Who wants to join me? I would love to get a group together :)***

3. Learn, grow and love in my personal relationships and friendships.
***This has become a huge factor within the past month and I've really been learning who my true, life long friends are. I love the beauty of people!***


Educational Goals:
1. Apply to grad school
***Grad school is actually on my radar, this is a big step, because for so long it's been this blob out on the distant horizon. I'm actually thinking about the different aspects that need to be in place in order to apply in 4 months.***

Career Goals:
1. Push myself at my current job and ultimately learn deeper facets of the industry.
***I got my yearly review this last week and it was so encouraging. I'm now more inspired to learn! We're also hiring on an assistant for the concert department, so that makes me a... boss... WHAT??!***

2. Always keep my options open for networking, going on tour, working internationally or landing my dream job.
***I'm in the midst of some emails setting up a lunch with our production manager. He's definitely a key person to know in the Denver music scene and I asked him if I could pick his brain and ask for advice. He agreed.***

Entrepreneurial Goals:
1. Make Hear Us Loud! happen.
2. Put on some benefit concerts and a few house shows.
***These two goals have combined themselves with some further brainstorming. I'm pretty excited about the outcome, but it's all about the follow through. I've been grabbing drinks, sending emails and making phone calls with some interested parties. It's a matter of time.***

Let Go Of The Goods, Genevieve!

I was reading an article the other day on relevantmagazine.com that said only 24% of twenty some things volunteer their time. It talked about how we as the emerging generation want to help and give our energies directly to a cause instead of donating to the "towering bureaucracies" out there. The only problem is that we are some of the busiest people imaginable. We over commit socially, work too hard, go to school and in general don't have the time to give to volunteering. That's where day service projects and jammed packed missions trips have come in handy for us. The article goes on to say, "Those with a heart to serve must take small steps - however insignificant they may seem - in getting involved if they want to develop into mature servants. 'Go out and do something, anything, whatever... and then God will show you what you want to be doing, even if it's small - something tangible, something real.' "

I started reflecting on volunteering and servant hood in my own life. Back in high school it was so easy. My youth group would set up regular opportunities and summer trips to participate in. All you had to do was sign up and help raise money (or ask your parents for some). But once you hit college the focus changes to you and how YOU are doing, what do YOU need to get a degree, gather life experience, land a job, become successful and ultimately it all gets lost.

I felt as if I was being nudged back in the direction of my youth earlier this year and put "serving my community" as one of my goals for 2010. Not only do I want to help those immediately in my life, but also reaching out and extending past my comfort zone. Sarah and I did this earlier in February, when we helped with Habitat for Humanity and the project they're working on in Denver. It felt so good to get outside and have a hammer in hand. And just like the article said, every little bit helps, just because I'm not going out every single week and serving the homeless or tutoring an at risk child, doesn't mean I can't help.

My next goal is to simplify and un-clutter my life and in the process give back to who needs it the most. As I was clearing out my closet a few days ago, I thought to myself, "I have SO much STUFF." I don't need it all and as I thought this, I texted that statement to my friend Dan. He texted me back with an idea, "Hey. Maybe you could sell all the clothes you're giving away and with that money you can donate to a charity you're passionate about." Brilliant. Over the course of the past few days I have painstakingly gone through everything I own and asked myself, "Do I really NEED this." My living room is now filled with piles of clutter that I am about to embark on selling. My skis, old clothes, kitchen items, jewelry, bedding, so much, too much. I don't care how much money I get from it, I just hope that whatever I end up with can make a difference in someone's life.

Grace Has Amazing Hands To Hold You, Genevieve

Ever since I was a child I can remember singing and playing in church. It's been a God send for me. When applying for college came around senior year I was dead set on biology. My big brother was studying it, so of course it appealed to me. I remember one night at the dinner table, my mom said, "Ya know Gen, have you ever considered music?" I thought to myself... NO, music isn't a job. And then she continued to coax me... "Outside of your school work that's all you do." And she was right, I was in musicals, choral, show choir and played in the worship band at church. So, I finally gave in and started to think about the possibilites. I applied for the music in worship program at Biola University in Los Angeles and got in. It wouldn't have happened without the encouragement of my family and mentors in music at the time.

Freshman year was a series of ups and downs and ultimately I decided that I wanted to study music, but not in the facet of worship. It was a great hobby and service to the church, but I didn't see myself having it as a vocation. I transferred to CU Denver and finished my college career in vocal performance and music business. But during that time, I lost who I was before. Connecting in church became a battle and I started to define myself in the secular world of music. It wasn't until I graduated that I realzied how much I missed worship. It was this enormous part of my life for 5 years that I somehow lost and it was heart breaking. When I finally found an amazing church that I could call home, Scum of the Earth, God kept knocking on the door of my heart. It took several months of nail bitng on my part to eventually walk up to one of the worship leaders and ask for an application.

And with that, the doors flew wide open. I started playing and then before I knew it our head pastor was asking me out for breakfast. He, with genuine care, asked me to come on board as a worship leader. It has been one fo the biggest joys in my life for the past year. I can be having the worst week and sit down to pray about the songs for our service and it's as if God is placing His hand over me and saying, "Just worship".

I've gotten back in touch with my roots and even have played some songs that meant a lot to me in high school. Many of those songs were written by Jason Stocker, the worship leader at my church growing up. His gift for worship has been one of the inspirations I've held on to throughout the years. Every once and a while I'll go to his church out in Arvada just to listen. I went this last week. We chatted after the service and it was such a blessing to be able to talk with him. I thanked him for all of his amazing songs and the inspiration that they have had on our congregation. He was truly touched and that's what makes him such an amazing person.

I suggested we play worship together soon and he was very excited at the idea. I mentioned this to Mike, my pastor, just yesterday and he said to go for it! I'm currently working on dates and concepts and love the fact that I'm blessed and able to have worship in my every day life. My prayer is to have this continue to be a genuine expression of my thanks and love to God.

The Human Connection for Genevieve

I think people are the single most amazing gift God has placed in my life. I have friends from the earliest part of my childhood that I still get excited to chat with on the phone. They understand that deeper part of my heart, of my personality, that most don't. For some reason, it's that human connection that gets me through the day sometimes.

I recently took a personality test at work. Our CFO wanted to see how each of us on staff related to one another. I classified as a "Guardian", which means I'm socially adept, love to care for others and am a leader in group situations. Many guardians are presidents of the local community board, leaders in their churches, on their sports teams and in the school PTA. They love to organize functions and be in the lime light. This definitely describes me... In college I was president of my campuses music business club, ridiculously talkative in a cappella ensemble (or any class for that matter), constantly organizing parties, working a job and internship simultaneously or talking on the phone with someone across the country I couldn't readily grab a drink with. But the description in the personality test booklet also reveals a downside of the ever sociable nurturer. It states, "sometimes may be sociable to their detriment".

Towards the end of my college career I was so connected, constantly networking and always a part of some sort of social function... I started to feel worn thin. I always had to be with someone. I, secretly, didn't know who I was without people. And then I moved to LA... where I lived with my brother who worked odd hours at a hospital and my close friends from a previous internship lived 45 minutes away. I was suddenly forced to be alone. It was scary yet invigorating. I learned to be ok with praying for hours on end, connecting deeply to my soul and even going out on dates by myself. When I decided to move back to Denver I made it a conscious effort to reconnect with those people I felt truly cared about me as a person... not people I randomly had classes with, would sip a beer with at a party or run into at a show. I wanted to focus my energy on relationships that truly meant something.

Since then I've had some great reconnections, made deep loving relationships and have had wonderful new people enter into my life. But at the same time, I've maintained that connection with myself which is the most important part. Because how can I maintain all of these relationships and give the way I should if I don't know who I am to begin with? I want this wonderful path to continue throughout 2010, all with a focus and commitment to who I am and who I need to be in others lives.

Sing with your head up, With your eyes closed, Genevieve, Not because you love the song, Because you love to sing

I've always believed that music can change lives. I want to be a steward of this belief until the day I die. Lately, I've been truly touched by the genuine heartfelt emotion that I've witnessed from musicians and their music. It makes me remember why I decided to pursue my career path in the first place.

I was thinking back to my college days (even though it's only been a bit over a year since I graduated, it seems like ages) and how young and idealistic I was. If only we could all play and listen and make and be involved inmusic and evoke social change through it, we'd all live happily ever after. I've since learned otherwise. Being in the real world and working within the industry has slightly hardened me, yet at the same time there's still that soft glowing spot in my soul that knows music, musicians and the industry that ties it all together, could be so much more.

A few months back, I ran into a friend from music school at a local show. We chatted and caught up. He talked about how passionate he was for the Max Fund, a no kill animal shelter and that he wanted to do something for them. That little voice in my heart started screaming! DO SOMETHING... so I stepped out on a ledge... I offered to book the show and work out details to use the music venue, Swallow Hill, which I work at. He was ecstatic. We continued to coordinate a night with friends and alum from our alma mater. We all were able to play songs, talk about the pets we had and loved and ultimately raise money for a great cause.

Even just last week at Swallow Hill, we had a benefit to raise money fo Amurt, a non-profit that is currently helping in the relief effort in Haiti. It was on a much bigger scale than the benefit I arranged... involving musicians form The Flobots, Devotchka and The Boulder Acoustic Society. The event raised over $2,500 in one night full of music, empathy and hope. As I printed out run of show schedules in my office with Katie Glassman, the coordinator and also one of the performers for the benefit, we talked about how excited we were for the evening. She then began to talk, with tears in her eyes, about how every time Haiti came to mind, she hurt for the people and the disaster they are living in. She said she had to do something for it and that's what inspired the, Give Your Heart To Haiti Benefit. I was deeply touched.

Needless to say with all of these interactions, the jaded ora that had begun to place itself over my heart has now dissipated. I've been inspired! The non-profit that I've been threatening to start, Hear Us Loud!, is back in production and I am making connections with the right musicians and business people to start hosting shows at my house. I don't want to let this dream die... I won't let this dream die.

Freeing Genevieve From Toxicity

I stated previously under my personal goals that I want to, "Learn, grow and love in my personal relationships and friendships... Most importantly escape from toxic relationships I've been trapped in.".

First things first, I need to get rid of relational toxicity in my life. Of course, the first person to come to mind was David, my most recent ex. We had a good relationship while it lasted, but he broke things off rather unexpectedly a good six months ago, which ultimately left me reeling in self-doubt. I begged him for some closure, a brief meeting where we could discuss things, he denied me... several times. I finally wrote him a letter pouring out my emotions to which I got no response for a month and a half.

Then late one night I received a text message simply saying, "I think you're a great person and we should still be friends." I kept that in my inbox for several days and hesitantly responded. We've hung out a few times since then, but the communication drastically increased after he broke up with, "the girl after me". It has confused my heart every time. We get along so well, but for some reason he didn't choose me.

One of our hang out sessions, he came over to my apartment and we chatted over tea for three hours. He spilled some very personal information, some of it relating to his break up with "her". I listened and tried to be the bigger person, all the midst choking down my pain. He left and for some reason I felt so burdened for him that I sent a text saying I would be there for him as a friend, because seeing him hurt truly hurt me to watch. He thanked me and apologized for off loading all that he did. I said it wasn't easy, but that I am an adult after all. And then it all came pouring out,
       

                             "I'm sorry if I ever made you feel even 

remotely like I have been feeling."

I started to cry... alone in my room... under the covers.

He continued,

"I don't understand why I love her or any of the other people I've fallen in love with. I've been wrong every time. I am sorry I hurt you. I hope one day I have the opportunity to be as good to you as you are to me. And I want to be there if you ever need me."

There it was, the closure I had been seeking for the past six months. I felt relieved, a sense of peace came over me. I can't say that realizing we won't work was easy, but at least I know. I'm not holding onto a false sense of hope anymore. I have been able to move on to friendship with David and it's been nothing but freedom and a new gain of self worth. I am beyond what our relationship used to define me as and that is beautiful to me. 

Why Hello There, It's Genevieve

"You'll sit alone forever,
If you wait for the right time,
What are you hoping for?
I'm here, I'm now, I'm ready,
Holding on tight,
Don't give away the end,
The one thing that stays mine."

I've hit 2010 running and don't want to loose this new found sense of drive. I can't say that I never slack or procrastinate, but for the most part I'm very goal oriented and am definitely a perfectionist. This becomes a problem when you combine it with the fact that I'm a relentless socialite and people pleaser. I do what I want, but more often than not, I do what I think is expected of me. I hate it. So now I'm saying, "F*ck it!", I want to live my life, I vote for the dance party... no regrets, no over analyzing, no gimmicks, just giving, receiving and loving.

I want to live life and always be true.
I want to fly and never come down.

Genevieve's 2010 Goals

Let's be honest, I drew my goals out on some graph paper with various colored pens and eventually had it laminated. I can't help myself sometimes, I'm organized to the point of slight OCD. Here they are categorized, ordered by importance and thought through thoroughly. 

Personal Goals

1. Exercise on a semi-regular basis.

- I used to be really good about thsi in college, but then my body miraculously found a fast metabolism in the past year and have gotten lazy. I really want to be dedicated to my health again. Some options may include...

        - Running 2 times a week

        - Taking Mr. Keith Moon for walks

        - Biking ( I need to buy a bike once the wather warms up)

2. Get published in Relevant Magazine for a CD review.

        - I had an internship writing publicity and media relases for a local music promoter my junior year and had too much fun. I am absolutely in love with Relevant Magazine. Put the two together and you get a CD review. 

3. Travel to the Pacific Northwest

        - It seems to be the mecca for iconic indie musicians, so obviously I have to see it for myself. PLUS Donald Miller lives in Portland...

4. Go to Australia

       - I got back from Europe last May and had an international traveling itch. Australia is the next destination on my list. 

5. Be a good owner to Mr. Keith Moon

       - He is my best friend and companion. I want to care for him as much as he cares for me.

Church/Spiritual Goals

 1. Lead worship reflective of God's heart

     - I've been playing and leading worship at churches since I was 15. I don't want it to become a fact of life, but instead a journey and pure emotive experience every time I step foot on that stage.

2. Participate in local community outreach and serve more williningly.

    - I can talk the talk, but can I walk the walk?

3. Learn, grow and love in my personal relationships and friendships.

    - I am a social person, sometimes to my detriment. I want to make my interactions, conversations and love intentional. Most importantly I need to escape from toxic relationships I've been trapped in and seek genuine people in return.

Musical Goals

 1. Play our first show :) and hopefully have many to follow!

   - I'm in the beginnings of a band and am excited for what is to come. 

2. Record an EP

    -  I've always been kind of shy with sharing my music, but I'm not afraid anymore.

Educational Goals

1. Apply to grad school

   - I've been out of college for over a year now. I'm ready to pursue higher reaches in my academic career. 

Career Goals

1. Push myself at my current job and ultimately learn deeper facets of the industry.

    - I want to be an irreplaceable asset for my company, not a commodity.

2. Always keep my options open for networking, going on tour, working internationally or landing my dream job

Entrepreneurial Goals

1. Make Hear Us Loud! happen

     - I've been threatening to start a social justice company for a while.

2. Put on benefit concerts and a few house shows.

    - Not only do I love to perform, I love producing and booking.